Diving Dictionary

[Fathoms Down]

L - Lucozade Sport - The universal drink of divers on a morning dive. Used to remove hangovers.
O - Oxygen kit - Needs to be tested every time a morning dive is planned. Used to remove hangovers.]

[Mr T.]

WOFT = Waste of F*ckin Time.

Invariably used in conjunction with dive shops who give poor service (or keep you on their email-spam list after having been asked repeatedly to remove your details ). Can also be used to describe less than punctual buddies (cf. being 'RB'd')

[Mr T.]

PDS = 'Post Dive Sherry'

To be imbibed by any diver at a time of their chosing as close to the end of a dive as they see fit. NB: usually taken after the last dive of the say, and perhaps not during the SI

[Mr T.]

Oh, and have we had 'Numpty' and 'Muppet' on the list yet?

Porg! Are keeping this puppy up to date?

[divegyrl]

Originally Posted by diving dude

Hey Choccie gyrl, l would have except that nasty man Juz said he wouldn't be my buddy if l did

go solo I say!

I'm officially sulking that I can't go on the Duke dive with you two but there's always some other time!
& Juz will be on Kato & limited to 40m for a while!

Blanaid

[Helen F H]

A
Alpha flag - the limp thing that supposed to tell everyone that divers are in the water and most the yachties don’t know what it means
Air – the gas that we breathe all the time on the surface. Not really the best thing to breathe underwater, but does the job. Becomes narcotic at depths of around 30m, and toxic at extreme depth. Hot air is something completely different.
Auto Air – an additional demand valve on a buddy jacket which is also the jacket inflator. Some people hate them, some people love them.
ATB, Always talking bo**ocks, mainly refers to Mark Chase and Rob Evans, however Angus has managed to worm his way in to be with Mark & Rob
Ankle weights – Weights which are worn at the ankle which can help stop air migration to the feet in a drysuit. Some are shot filled sausages; others are bands with small sections of lead sewn into them.
Anglesey – Land of appalling viz
Argon – Alternative gas used to inflate the drysuit. Argon is a better insulator and is used by trimix divers when their bottom mix would be unsuitable for filling the suit (as helium is a very cold gas)
Aquasure – a glue which mends drysuits/wetsuits. Sticks to your fingers and drives you mad.

B
What Mark, Rob and Angus are always talking about.
B Buddy - someone to start the dive with and promptly lose
Blob – An SMB
Bag – a lift bag or SMB
Buoyancy control/compensator Device – A jacket or wing which can have air entered into it to compensate for the loss of buoyancy at depth.
Buddy – brand name of equipment made by AP Valves
BSAC – Training agency in the UK. British Sub Aqua Club.
Brass – Items of brass are often removed from wrecks as souvenirs.
Bent – Decompression Illness – Occurs sometimes after an ohshitohshitohshit moment. Very painful, but sometimes a free helicopter ride is provided.
Bungee – Springy stuff that DIR are always arguing about.
Bottles – cylinders
Bodge tape – black or silver tape which hold the planet together.
Bren – YD admin, more money than I will ever have.

C
Wot we all dive in
CCR Mod 1 diver. A diver new to closed circuit re-breather diving who soon discovers that wearing your oldest underpants on the early dives is a smart move.
Cat - not a furry purring thing but the best type of boat for all types of sea diving
Crud – the stuff in the bottom of stoney, crappers etc
Crappers/Crapandrainy/Capernwray – An inland site in Lancashire with some very odd bits and bobs in there to keep us entertained.
Clips – shiny bits that keep everything attached Can be made of Stainless steel or brass, and come in many different shapes and sizes. Black plastic clips which hold a harness/BCD together. See also “suicide clips”
Computer – The thing that stops you killing yourself quite so easily. Monitor depth and time and ascent rates. Work to various algorithms to stop bubble formation. Locks you out if you upset it, and gets really stroppy if you go up too fast. Range in price from £100 to £800.
Cylinders – bottles, tins. Pressurised containers of gas. Heavy, unruly. Can be booted or unbooted. Come in sizes from tiny to huge. Need testing every couple of years, or O2 cleaned if you want to use nitrox.
Cable ties – small plastic fasteners which can be used to hold anything together in a bodge job.

D
Obviously- Diving Dude, or Do-nut, dudes fav apri dive feast
Dolt: divers who regularly brag about their low air consumption and have the "I wuz deeper than you" syndrome.
Deep Air Diver. A diver whose balls are massively larger than their brains. No allowance for women here as most women's desire to live is bigger than their desire to impress their mates
D Dive Eclipse - the best dive shuttle in the UK
D-Rings – Metal D shaped rings attached to a BCD or harness to allow the attachment of clips.
Depth Junkie – someone who craves depth and will go to any length to get it. Will always ask “what’s the deepest you have been?”
Dorothea – Big black hole in Wales. A very deep inland site with no proper facilities for divers. A lot of deaths occur here due to the depths achievable. Good looking sheep.
Drysuit – a fictional idea that you can be dry. A suit which in theory stops the ingress of water by large latex or neoprene seals at the cuffs and neck. Valves on the chest and arm allow for the addition/venting of air from the suit.
Decompression – Hanging about at prescribed depths freezing your arse off waiting for the fizzing to stop.
Digger – Manslag of YD
DIR – A diving ethic that says that you dive as a team, and all members of the team must be the same in fitness and gear. Much debated over.
DDRC – The diver de-benders.
Doug – god.
Dive Girl – the best magazine. Ever.
Demand valve – sucky blowy bit. Guaranteed to freeflow at every given opportunity, regardless of time elapsed from last service. Even more likely to do so when the contents of the tinnie it is attached to are either a) expensive, or b) low, or c) desperately needed.
Diving Daisy – the best dive clothing in the world.

E
The letter that all norvum munkees start their sentences with......... Eeeee bye gum
Eclipse - see D it puts all the others in the shade
Eccy Delph. – Yet another inland site.
EPIRB – Remote control for a helicopter.

F
Used with the word cold to describe diving in winter, or Stoney in summer.
Fossil beds - local dive with nothing to see but don’t worry, there’s always a chance of finding something
Fanny – something we all do with our kit. PADI now considering doing a course in faffing, even though most people are proficient already.
Faff – see above
Farnes – group of islands off Northumberland. Loads of seals. Very nice.
Flippers – what journos think we use.

G
Gas, in one end and out the other.
Giving - see L & R all divers should make regular donations as insurance against all sorts going wrong
God – the person who is called upon in ohshitohshitohshitohshit moments, and called on the big porcelain phone post boozer.
God – Doug.
Goggles – see Flippers.

H
The blobby princess (Helen M)
Heads - sea toilet on the boat, make sure you don’t block it or you wont have any mates for the rest of the trip! Also where men piss all over the seat, walls, floor windows and even the ceiling if they can get enough pressure built up.
Hispania – Nice wreck in the sound of mull.
Halcyon – it has to be black and minimalist. The Ikea of dive gear.
Helium – costs loads, but lets you go deep. Makes you sound like Mickey mouse.

I
Wot sits behind our masks
I Insurance - that thing that costs you loads of money and has loads of small print thus ensuring they never pay out

J
Our leader, we are not worthy
J Jetskiers - see W
Jetfins – big black heavy fins loved by tech divers.
Jules – small yet perfectly formed. Photographer extraordinaire
JJ – Jarrod Jablonski DIR guru. A very nice chap.

K
Klingon, linked to the Warhammer manoeuvre
Kitwhore for people with more kit than the average LDS.
Kit - general term for all shiny bits required by men for diving

L
L Lifeboat - see R
Lochaline – great place in the middle of nowhere where YDers can run riot and paint each other in makeup…..also has a very stroppy pub landlord.
Low maintenance, which which YD girls are not, well that’s what Stevie W says
Lucozade Sport - The universal drink of divers on a morning dive. Used to remove hangovers.

M
Moan goes with L above.
M Muppet - derogatory term shouted at idiots by dive skippers once they finally manage to get to the shot and off the surface
Mask – goggles to newspaper types.
M- MCA. M ust C atch A nother dive boat.
Monkey - Slang derived from the sound wetsuited divers make when the cold water reaches a certain part of their anatomy as they wade in. Used as in "Wow! Its a bit monkey today!".


N
Nancy Sinatra, she once did a bsac try dive, but her beard wasn’t long enough so she didn’t join.
N No - word used by non diving partners in several situations:
Treasure - no you cannot put it on the windowsill
purchases - no you don’t need it, you have 3 already
no - I don’t believe its lifesaving equipment etc
Nappy – the female equivalent to the pee valve.
Nitrox – hangover cure.

O
Orange, a colour in Dudes dry suit.
Offshore- followed by shake of head indicating that the wreck is a long way off and the skippers about to increase the charter fees
OBOD – digger’s rebeather.
Oxygen – used to unbend people, and allow greater times at shallower depths. Also what journalists think we breathe off all the time.
Ohshitohshitohshitoshit – the incident pit. Common words uttered into a DV all over the planet.
Oxygen kit - Needs to be tested every time a morning dive is planned. Used to remove hangovers.

P
Pink, Dr Mary’s fav colour and not in Dudes suit
Pvalve modern gadget for letting a bloke have a Pee in his drysuit soon to be outlawed by the EU under the sex discrimination act as women divers don’t seem to be able to use them. Also cause great amusement for women reading about men’s problems with P-valves.
PADI – commercial dive training organisation. Great for badge collectors and those with far too much money.
Pies – who ate them all?
Porg – see above.
PDS = 'Post Dive Sherry' To be imbibed by any diver at a time of their chosing as close to the end of a dive as they see fit. NB: usually taken after the last dive of the day, and perhaps not during the SI

Q
Quasimodo, otherwise know as Angus
Q quick release - something that will always come undone when you don’t want it to

R
Rebecca, Dudes diving daughter
R RNLI - bloody good organisation, when you get lost or the taxi forgets your location they always come out and find you for free. If you forget to fill up with fuel and breakdown they even give you a tow!
RIB – inflatable boat which is guaranteed to bounce all over the place. Generally cramped, noisy, smelly, no toilet or shelter. Unless you are skipper and have an enormous rib with a roof, nice smelling bog and everything!
Rebreather – a complicated bit of kit which recycles the gas you breathe. A good way of killing yourself when it goes nipples skywards.
Reel – a fiendish bit of kit which is almost dead cert to jam, birds nest, be sat on and broken, fall off or be stolen.
Rubber – the real reason most of us dive.
Red Sea – divers mecca. Full of fishies.
Rig: your personal dive kit (wing/twins/regs/gauge etc.) when fully assembled and 'good-to-go'
Robert Beale (RB): as in "To be 'RB'd'" - Usually a collective state (although can be suffered by individual divers) which descibes a situation where a dive has been booked a goodly time in advance and (usually) SMS Text messages exhanged between said parties and RB. Other parties arrive punctually and 'good-to-go' for the agreed dive: alas, RB nowhere to be seen and never heard of again. 'RB' was reputed to be "heavily in to wrecks" - which is ironic; as that's invariably what he did to many a mid-week dive meet.

S
Skipper, genuine nice guy who takes mates out for FREE on his boat.
Shot - bloody great weight with rope and buoy attached which the skipper chucks over the side and you all hope that he managed to hit the wreck (note, nothing to do with guns). Unless you are on a well known NE dive boat, where the weight on the end is a net filled with rocks.
South where the well ‘ard divers live.
Snorkel – something which marks out a PADI diver a mile off.
Ship. The – Worst service EVER in the world.
Suicide clips – snap gate clips which can clip themselves onto cables/lines and cause an entrapment.
Scrot rot – an affliction of wetsuited dive guides who never fully dry out due to being in the water all day. Basically nappy rash for grown ups.
Stoney – a miserable hole where people flock to see a bus, a helicopter and a box.
SMB – a blob. A bag which is filled with air at depth and carried to the surface under its own buoyancy. It marks where divers are for the boat, or can signal ohshitohshitohshit to the surface. Orange tends to mean ok, yellow tends to mean ohshitohshitohshit.
Spidge - Any kind of material brought up from a wreck, especially if its pretty or shiny (this may require some artistic licence).
Spur lash – I will leave this to Andy to explain…..



T
Together- Chasey and Andy – a true love affair.
Tech Diver - A person who’s desire for black rubber and shiny kit preferably in stainless steel farrrrrr out weighs his/her ability to dive
Taurus – a great boat with a skipper that also takes mates out for free.
Treasure - word used by divers describing artefacts that have been recovered from the sea. most bystanders are seen to have amazed looks on their faces as most of the "treasure" looks like it should be chucked out of the scrap yard
Tow – what happens when the boat breaks down. See under RNLI.
Twins – two cylinders joined together. Can be manifolded or independents. Usually named oooooyouheavysodbugggerbuggerbuggerthatwasmyfoot.
Tins – cylinders.
The last dive – a book we should all read.
T - shirt! Cannot be without diving attire displayed proudly before or after diving to ensure the whole world and his Mrs knows your a diver.

U
Unhelpful – Budgy, skipper at the Breakwater diving Centre, John Ayling skipper of The White Horse
U-turn - political term and nothing to do with diving
Undersuit – a sleeping bag with arms and legs. Come in all shapes and sizes, and horrendous colours.

V
Found in a females lower region, what Mrs Dude has problems with, Veins.
Valve - affectionate term for a regulator set, normally only used by old school BSAC divers and their more recent trainees, if used abroad this will guarantee that everyone else knows you’re a UK club diver

W
Watford- the division between us down here and them oop there.
Watford FC- the greatest team in the Championship
Wanker another derogatory term reserved for shouting at jetskiers who are using SMBs as a race course
Weightbelt – a belt or harness filled with lead to make you sink. Usually the thing people forget to put on while kitting up. Hurt when dropped on feet.
Whisky – Mr T’s fave tipple.
Wing – a type of BCD. Basically a buoyancy bag worn on the back, not around the sides. Favoured by tekkie divers.
WOFT = Waste of F*ckin Time. Invariably used in conjunction with dive shops who give poor service (or keep you on their email-spam list after having been asked repeatedly to remove your details). Can also be used to describe less than punctual buddies (cf. being 'RB'd')

X
X- Streams, Andy P’s favourite regs, which he's now selling.
Xenobia - great wreck in Cyprus

Y
Well it has to be YD, only because l can’t think of anything else.
YBoD – rebreather Yellow box of death, yellow box of debt. People with these units frequently drop into the conversation “oh by the way, on my rebreather, it costs me 20p a dive for gas, and I can go to infinity and back”, while the rest of us look on and are glad we have a far greater chance of coming back from a dive.
YELLOW BUTTY BOX.Great Skipper always on the look out for mates.

Z
ZZZZZZZZZ Mr T at 8pm in a bar
Zanstroom - interesting wreck off west Sussex in 30m of water
Zero Customer Retention Rate. See GoDive
Zombie - a person markedly strange in appearance or behavior eg: John Ayling of White Horse

[Mr T.]

You've still missed 'Numpty' and how could we have missed 'Shiney'?!

[Helen F H]

A
Alpha flag - the limp thing that supposed to tell everyone that divers are in the water and most the yachties don’t know what it means
Air – the gas that we breathe all the time on the surface. Not really the best thing to breathe underwater, but does the job. Becomes narcotic at depths of around 30m, and toxic at extreme depth. Hot air is something completely different.
Auto Air – an additional demand valve on a buddy jacket which is also the jacket inflator. Some people hate them, some people love them.
ATB, Always talking bo**ocks, mainly refers to Mark Chase and Rob Evans, however Angus has managed to worm his way in to be with Mark & Rob
Ankle weights – Weights which are worn at the ankle which can help stop air migration to the feet in a drysuit. Some are shot filled sausages; others are bands with small sections of lead sewn into them.
Anglesey – Land of appalling viz
Argon – Alternative gas used to inflate the drysuit. Argon is a better insulator and is used by trimix divers when their bottom mix would be unsuitable for filling the suit (as helium is a very cold gas)
Aquasure – a glue which mends drysuits/wetsuits. Sticks to your fingers and drives you mad.

B
What Mark, Rob and Angus are always talking about.
B Buddy - someone to start the dive with and promptly lose
Blob – An SMB
Bag – a lift bag or SMB
Buoyancy control/compensator Device – A jacket or wing which can have air entered into it to compensate for the loss of buoyancy at depth.
Buddy – brand name of equipment made by AP Valves
BSAC – Training agency in the UK. British Sub Aqua Club.
Brass – Items of brass are often removed from wrecks as souvenirs.
Bent – Decompression Illness – Occurs sometimes after an ohshitohshitohshit moment. Very painful, but sometimes a free helicopter ride is provided.
Bungee – Springy stuff that DIR are always arguing about.
Bottles – cylinders
Bodge tape – black or silver tape which hold the planet together.
Bren – YD admin, more money than I will ever have.

C
Wot we all dive in
CCR Mod 1 diver. A diver new to closed circuit re-breather diving who soon discovers that wearing your oldest underpants on the early dives is a smart move.
Cat - not a furry purring thing but the best type of boat for all types of sea diving
Crud – the stuff in the bottom of stoney, crappers etc
Crappers/Crapandrainy/Capernwray – An inland site in Lancashire with some very odd bits and bobs in there to keep us entertained.
Clips – shiny bits that keep everything attached Can be made of Stainless steel or brass, and come in many different shapes and sizes. Black plastic clips which hold a harness/BCD together. See also “suicide clips”
Computer – The thing that stops you killing yourself quite so easily. Monitor depth and time and ascent rates. Work to various algorithms to stop bubble formation. Locks you out if you upset it, and gets really stroppy if you go up too fast. Range in price from £100 to £800.
Cylinders – bottles, tins. Pressurised containers of gas. Heavy, unruly. Can be booted or unbooted. Come in sizes from tiny to huge. Need testing every couple of years, or O2 cleaned if you want to use nitrox.
Cable ties – small plastic fasteners which can be used to hold anything together in a bodge job.

D
Obviously- Diving Dude, or Do-nut, dudes fav apri dive feast
Dolt: divers who regularly brag about their low air consumption and have the "I wuz deeper than you" syndrome.
Deep Air Diver. A diver whose balls are massively larger than their brains. No allowance for women here as most women's desire to live is bigger than their desire to impress their mates
D Dive Eclipse - the best dive shuttle in the UK
D-Rings – Metal D shaped rings attached to a BCD or harness to allow the attachment of clips.
Depth Junkie – someone who craves depth and will go to any length to get it. Will always ask “what’s the deepest you have been?”
Dorothea – Big black hole in Wales. A very deep inland site with no proper facilities for divers. A lot of deaths occur here due to the depths achievable. Good looking sheep.
Drysuit – a fictional idea that you can be dry. A suit which in theory stops the ingress of water by large latex or neoprene seals at the cuffs and neck. Valves on the chest and arm allow for the addition/venting of air from the suit.
Decompression – Hanging about at prescribed depths freezing your arse off waiting for the fizzing to stop.
Digger – Manslag of YD
DIR – A diving ethic that says that you dive as a team, and all members of the team must be the same in fitness and gear. Much debated over.
DDRC – The diver de-benders.
Doug – god.
Dive Girl – the best magazine. Ever.
Demand valve – sucky blowy bit. Guaranteed to freeflow at every given opportunity, regardless of time elapsed from last service. Even more likely to do so when the contents of the tinnie it is attached to are either a) expensive, or b) low, or c) desperately needed.
Diving Daisy – the best dive clothing in the world.

E
The letter that all norvum munkees start their sentences with......... Eeeee bye gum
Eclipse - see D it puts all the others in the shade
Eccy Delph. – Yet another inland site.
EPIRB – Remote control for a helicopter.

F
Used with the word cold to describe diving in winter, or Stoney in summer.
Fossil beds - local dive with nothing to see but don’t worry, there’s always a chance of finding something
Fanny – something we all do with our kit. PADI now considering doing a course in faffing, even though most people are proficient already.
Faff – see above
Farnes – group of islands off Northumberland. Loads of seals. Very nice.
Flippers – what journos think we use.

G
Gas, in one end and out the other.
Giving - see L & R all divers should make regular donations as insurance against all sorts going wrong
God – the person who is called upon in ohshitohshitohshitohshit moments, and called on the big porcelain phone post boozer.
God – Doug.
Goggles – see Flippers.

H
The blobby princess (Helen M)
Heads - sea toilet on the boat, make sure you don’t block it or you wont have any mates for the rest of the trip! Also where men piss all over the seat, walls, floor windows and even the ceiling if they can get enough pressure built up.
Hispania – Nice wreck in the sound of mull.
Halcyon – it has to be black and minimalist. The Ikea of dive gear.
Helium – costs loads, but lets you go deep. Makes you sound like Mickey mouse.

I
Wot sits behind our masks
I Insurance - that thing that costs you loads of money and has loads of small print thus ensuring they never pay out

J
Our leader, we are not worthy
J Jetskiers - see W
Jetfins – big black heavy fins loved by tech divers.
Jules – small yet perfectly formed. Photographer extraordinaire
JJ – Jarrod Jablonski DIR guru. A very nice chap.

K
Klingon, linked to the Warhammer manoeuvre
Kitwhore for people with more kit than the average LDS.
Kit - general term for all shiny bits required by men for diving

L
L Lifeboat - see R
Lochaline – great place in the middle of nowhere where YDers can run riot and paint each other in makeup…..also has a very stroppy pub landlord.
Low maintenance, which which YD girls are not, well that’s what Stevie W says
Lucozade Sport - The universal drink of divers on a morning dive. Used to remove hangovers.

M
Moan goes with L above.
M Muppet - derogatory term shouted at idiots by dive skippers once they finally manage to get to the shot and off the surface
Mask – goggles to newspaper types.
M- MCA. M ust C atch A nother dive boat.
Monkey - Slang derived from the sound wetsuited divers make when the cold water reaches a certain part of their anatomy as they wade in. Used as in "Wow! Its a bit monkey today!".


N
Nancy Sinatra, she once did a bsac try dive, but her beard wasn’t long enough so she didn’t join.
N No - word used by non diving partners in several situations:
Treasure - no you cannot put it on the windowsill
purchases - no you don’t need it, you have 3 already
no - I don’t believe its lifesaving equipment etc
Nappy – the female equivalent to the pee valve.
Nitrox – hangover cure.
Numpty - someone who is inexperienced. Distinct from Muppet.

O
Orange, a colour in Dudes dry suit.
Offshore- followed by shake of head indicating that the wreck is a long way off and the skippers about to increase the charter fees
OBOD – digger’s rebeather.
Oxygen – used to unbend people, and allow greater times at shallower depths. Also what journalists think we breathe off all the time.
Ohshitohshitohshitoshit – the incident pit. Common words uttered into a DV all over the planet.
Oxygen kit - Needs to be tested every time a morning dive is planned. Used to remove hangovers.

P
Pink, Dr Mary’s fav colour and not in Dudes suit
Pvalve modern gadget for letting a bloke have a Pee in his drysuit soon to be outlawed by the EU under the sex discrimination act as women divers don’t seem to be able to use them. Also cause great amusement for women reading about men’s problems with P-valves.
PADI – commercial dive training organisation. Great for badge collectors and those with far too much money.
Pies – who ate them all?
Porg – see above.
PDS = 'Post Dive Sherry' To be imbibed by any diver at a time of their chosing as close to the end of a dive as they see fit. NB: usually taken after the last dive of the day, and perhaps not during the SI

Q
Quasimodo, otherwise know as Angus
Q quick release - something that will always come undone when you don’t want it to

R
Rebecca, Dudes diving daughter
R RNLI - bloody good organisation, when you get lost or the taxi forgets your location they always come out and find you for free. If you forget to fill up with fuel and breakdown they even give you a tow!
RIB – inflatable boat which is guaranteed to bounce all over the place. Generally cramped, noisy, smelly, no toilet or shelter. Unless you are skipper and have an enormous rib with a roof, nice smelling bog and everything!
Rebreather – a complicated bit of kit which recycles the gas you breathe. A good way of killing yourself when it goes nipples skywards.
Reel – a fiendish bit of kit which is almost dead cert to jam, birds nest, be sat on and broken, fall off or be stolen.
Rubber – the real reason most of us dive.
Red Sea – divers mecca. Full of fishies.
Rig: your personal dive kit (wing/twins/regs/gauge etc.) when fully assembled and 'good-to-go'
Robert Beale (RB): as in "To be 'RB'd'" - Usually a collective state (although can be suffered by individual divers) which descibes a situation where a dive has been booked a goodly time in advance and (usually) SMS Text messages exhanged between said parties and RB. Other parties arrive punctually and 'good-to-go' for the agreed dive: alas, RB nowhere to be seen and never heard of again. 'RB' was reputed to be "heavily in to wrecks" - which is ironic; as that's invariably what he did to many a mid-week dive meet.

S
Skipper, genuine nice guy who takes mates out for FREE on his boat.
Shot - bloody great weight with rope and buoy attached which the skipper chucks over the side and you all hope that he managed to hit the wreck (note, nothing to do with guns). Unless you are on a well known NE dive boat, where the weight on the end is a net filled with rocks.
South where the well ‘ard divers live.
Snorkel – something which marks out a PADI diver a mile off.
Ship. The – Worst service EVER in the world.
Suicide clips – snap gate clips which can clip themselves onto cables/lines and cause an entrapment.
Scrot rot – an affliction of wetsuited dive guides who never fully dry out due to being in the water all day. Basically nappy rash for grown ups.
Stoney – a miserable hole where people flock to see a bus, a helicopter and a box.
SMB – a blob. A bag which is filled with air at depth and carried to the surface under its own buoyancy. It marks where divers are for the boat, or can signal ohshitohshitohshit to the surface. Orange tends to mean ok, yellow tends to mean ohshitohshitohshit.
Spidge - Any kind of material brought up from a wreck, especially if its pretty or shiny (this may require some artistic licence).
Spur lash – I will leave this to Andy to explain…..
Shiney - anything shiney brings out the magpie in divers. Indeed, i am sure it is a defective gene somewhere. Someone millions of years ago shagged a magpie and lo, divers were born.


T
Together- Chasey and Andy – a true love affair.
Tech Diver - A person who’s desire for black rubber and shiny kit preferably in stainless steel farrrrrr out weighs his/her ability to dive
Taurus – a great boat with a skipper that also takes mates out for free.
Treasure - word used by divers describing artefacts that have been recovered from the sea. most bystanders are seen to have amazed looks on their faces as most of the "treasure" looks like it should be chucked out of the scrap yard
Tow – what happens when the boat breaks down. See under RNLI.
Twins – two cylinders joined together. Can be manifolded or independents. Usually named oooooyouheavysodbugggerbuggerbuggerthatwasmyfoot.
Tins – cylinders.
The last dive – a book we should all read.
T - shirt! Cannot be without diving attire displayed proudly before or after diving to ensure the whole world and his Mrs knows your a diver.

U
Unhelpful – Budgy, skipper at the Breakwater diving Centre, John Ayling skipper of The White Horse
U-turn - political term and nothing to do with diving
Undersuit – a sleeping bag with arms and legs. Come in all shapes and sizes, and horrendous colours.

V
Found in a females lower region, what Mrs Dude has problems with, Veins.
Valve - affectionate term for a regulator set, normally only used by old school BSAC divers and their more recent trainees, if used abroad this will guarantee that everyone else knows you’re a UK club diver

W
Watford- the division between us down here and them oop there.
Watford FC- the greatest team in the Championship
Wanker another derogatory term reserved for shouting at jetskiers who are using SMBs as a race course
Weightbelt – a belt or harness filled with lead to make you sink. Usually the thing people forget to put on while kitting up. Hurt when dropped on feet.
Whisky – Mr T’s fave tipple.
Wing – a type of BCD. Basically a buoyancy bag worn on the back, not around the sides. Favoured by tekkie divers.
WOFT = Waste of F*ckin Time. Invariably used in conjunction with dive shops who give poor service (or keep you on their email-spam list after having been asked repeatedly to remove your details). Can also be used to describe less than punctual buddies (cf. being 'RB'd')

X
X- Streams, Andy P’s favourite regs, which he's now selling.
Xenobia - great wreck in Cyprus

Y
Well it has to be YD, only because l can’t think of anything else.
YBoD – rebreather Yellow box of death, yellow box of debt. People with these units frequently drop into the conversation “oh by the way, on my rebreather, it costs me 20p a dive for gas, and I can go to infinity and back”, while the rest of us look on and are glad we have a far greater chance of coming back from a dive.
YELLOW BUTTY BOX.Great Skipper always on the look out for mates.

Z
ZZZZZZZZZ Mr T at 8pm in a bar
Zanstroom - interesting wreck off west Sussex in 30m of water
Zero Customer Retention Rate. See GoDive
Zombie - a person markedly strange in appearance or behavior eg: John Ayling of White Horse

[Mr T.]

G = 'Gash': Anyone or thing which 'surplus to requirements; a useless fellow; rubbish or refuse - e.g. the 'gas-bag' on a boat.

[Helen F H]

Mince - see gash.
Brenisim - something like "Happy Days", "Mince" etc which is repeated ad infinitum.