Confessions of a Porthole Lifter...

[Diving Dude]

l can just picture the stern look on her face and the tone of voice, l wish l'd been there .

Why aren't you coming out to play Tues?????

Just tell Ling you've got to go out with Howie because you owe me come cash

Knowing how you do runners or collect other peoples dosh 'by mistake' she'll beleive this and you can come.

[Lou]

Originally Posted by Mark Chase

So I get home right, unload the kit and Ling say's

"Did you get me a lobster?"

"No darling but I got my first port hole"

"A what?"

"A port hole, it’s like a window for a ship"

"What on earth do you want a window for? ...... Is it worth any money?"

"Errr I suppose so? But it's more a rite of passage thing for divers... It will look great when it’s cleaned up"

"Let’s see it then" Long pause as I get it out of the car....

" Mark Chase that’s disgusting and it stinks. Your not bringing it in my house put it in the garden. What a waste of time, you risk your live for this?? You had better get me a lobster tomorrow."

Why is it always the women who speak sense?

[MATTBIN]

Good report Mark, always impresses me how you get out of the shit you get yourself into. Why dont you just do 20m dips in Stoney instead so much safer.

Gotta go with the wife on the trophy thing though mate. Still, each to their own I suppose. Nice one.

Matt

[Mark Chase]

Originally Posted by MATTBIN

Good report Mark, always impresses me how you get out of the shit you get yourself into. Why dont you just do 20m dips in Stoney instead so much safer.

Gotta go with the wife on the trophy thing though mate. Still, each to their own I suppose. Nice one.

Matt

Yeah but it would be more impresive if I didnt get my self into it in the first place, right?

Just to say the entanglement thing was no big deel, it was just the curcumstance leading to me finding the port hole. If I hadent paused in that exact spot I would have finned streight over it. I have been caught up loads of times and lerned to stear well clear of net or rope when solo. Mono line is just so damed hard to see in those conditions. I good yank and it will break but it might also slice through your dry suit if like me your in a neo. So its worth taking a bit of care over extracting your self.

Top tip. Single sided knives are safest. The double edged ones have a nasty habit of cutting your suit whilst your cutting the line


ATB

Mark Chase

[Andy the Coastie]

Great write up and photo , Mark........

Shall i do a quick write up of my last 3 days diving......... Ling will spit her dummy if you show her what is written .

[MATTBIN]

Originally Posted by Mark Chase

Yeah but it would be more impresive if I didnt get my self into it in the first place, right?

Top tip. Single sided knives are safest. The double edged ones have a nasty habit of cutting your suit whilst your cutting the line


ATB

Mark Chase

Maybe but then whoever said life was a safe hobby.
Never seen single sided knives in LDS, sure its not Ling's bread knife.
Prefer snips as I'm so cack handed I'd probably miss and slice a hose, at least with snips I have a fighting chance.

Matt

[Mark Chase]

Originally Posted by MATTBIN

Maybe but then whoever said life was a safe hobby.
Never seen single sided knives in LDS, sure its not Ling's bread knife.
Prefer snips as I'm so cack handed I'd probably miss and slice a hose, at least with snips I have a fighting chance.

Matt

I used to have snips but my ones fell apart and I haven’t bothered replacing them. Snips are great if you can work in front of you. If you’re reaching back behind you there not so good (in my opinion) as its dificult to get the line in to the V of the cutting area if you cant see what your doing. A line cutter would be better but a knife works just fine.

I use the UK Remora dive Knife which is No37 in the list of knives tested in Divermag. Its a hose mount so its on my slave hand set cable. I only use this one for line cutting. It has never gone rusty and its never lost its edge in the last three years of ownership. I recommend it. I use a cheep as chips buddy knife for general hacking about and stabbing stuff Its crap needs sharpening once a month and it always rusty despite it being dowsed in Vaseline after every dive. But it does the job.

ATB

Mark Chase

[MATTBIN]

Fish blood is well known to rust anything, stop stabbing flatties and you'll be OK.

Matt

[Janos]

Originally Posted by Fathoms Down

I thought it was Janos' dad?

Eh?

I'm a bit confused now. Juz is Howard's son. Chasey is my dad? What's going on?

Well done for the porthole Mark. Qualification cards are meaningless. Now you can call yourself a proper diver now. Just take it along next time you go to the Red Sea: "C-card - I don't have no C-card. But I do have this...."

Janos

[Tim Wright]

You lot lifting portholes and artifacts really pi55es me off! They should all be left in situ so other divers can see them in their natural surrounding and untouched by pillagers and scavengers like yourselves.... Diving with tools and liftbags should be banned. Someone might have died on that wreck and you have just plundered a possible grave. If you don't report it to the ROW I will grass you up. And just what do you think you are doing taking live creatures from the sea bed ? You are costing fishermen their livelihood by doing this, in future buy them from the supermarket or fishmongers, how would you like it I came round to your place of work and took on the next job you had lined up? You lot should be lined up and shot.

ps. just who the F*ck is that right fat ugly wank3r in the photo with you ?