27th December "Your food is locked in your car, next to your woolly hat. And keys."

[Freeflow]

Caroline from C-Life had a list of instructions from Serena who owns the school for a set of techy skills to be filmed and a deco station to be trialed, so off we trog to Stoney for a post Xmas play. A visit to the newly installed gnome garden was planned for dive one, with dive two for the deployment of the station and filming, three for some more filming and removal of the station and dives four and five for buoyancy checks and kit fettling. I wanted to get a couple of photos of the gnomes so the luddite 35mm camera was in use again. Stoney was really busy, probably because people needed a break from the family after a couple of days of enforced friendliness. Caroline parked opposite in the double spaces as I was checking the Dolphin.

Ritchie popped up to say hello and be informed of the location of the gnomes. He was diving with Alex who wanted to log some more time on his Inspiration, and was prepared for a long day. I told him how to find the gnomes and made him take the sacred blood oath ["Bloody well tell me Freeflow or I'll do you"] that he wouldn't reveal where they were. After the directions were given Caroline and I jumped in at the bus stop for dive one. A bubble check was completed at 6m then we headed off to the cockpit and descended to 12m down the road before dropping over to the blockhouse, which was visible from 14m. A bearing of 210 sees you to the coach from here; although I have dived this site so many times I rarely need a compass. By the way, that is not a boast; it's admitting that I need a life. At the coach we then followed the markers to the gnomes, and it was pleasant to see them unmolested, although it was only three days ago that they were dropped in, and for two of those the site has been closed. I took a few pictures and then we ascended to 22m and made our way back to the road. We traveled in a generally upward direction as I looked for a suitable anchorage point for the deco station. A quick wander around the 6m level to off gas and then we clambered out at the step.

After dropping the gear off and the consumption of a sausage sandwich we had a look at the deco station. We spread it out over half the car park and rolled it up from the 9m level to the two buoys and secured the bundle with some line. I then ran a chain stitch into the connecting line and dug the weights from under the car. For this exercise I had brought up some old weights from a barbell and I dropped them in the water with the deco station. Once again my faith in my fellow diver was reduced when one of the weights went missing ten minutes after I had placed it in the water next to the station. I suppose that it was a little shiny and some idiot thought it would look nice on the mantelpiece. Caroline then did the all time classic of locking her car keys in the car. The boot slammed shut to a dismayed cry of 'My car keys are in there'. That's good then. We were kitted so we went in the water to rig the station. We had planned to aim for the cockpit, but Caroline took off towards the Cessna ledge before coming back. Video camera at the ready the rope was untied and the station rolled down to it's full glory, then the downline was attached and dropped, the chain stitch unraveling nicely before the weight was attached and the station moved into position. We then went off for a swim to the coach, Stanegarth and helicopter before heading back via the landrover to the road. The visibility allowed the equipment to be seen from 18m and as Caroline's keys needed rescuing we rescued the station with the aid of a DSMB and plonked it near the bus stop for recovery once we had dropped the gear at the cars in case the third dive was out of the question.

We lugged the gear to the cars and dropped the various contraptions for breathing under water on the floor. Leaving Caroline with the phone I went and collected the collection of plastic pipes, rope and buoys. I had some funny looks as I dragged to up to the car, but I replied that I was trying out the new sport of underwater pole vault. Caroline had called Saab, who were a bit crap. Their 'service' was to offer to come out for £99 and possibly not be able to do anything. I sent her up to the shop to see if she could get any plastic banding for an old trick to get into cars that I was shown when I looked the keys in the family V reg Austin Allegro. Unfortunately these modern cars are a bit more secure and all I achieved was the lifting of the lock mushrooms. Caroline was then off to the toilet as I told the chaps in the next car that she had locked the keys in her previous car. Unfortunately Caroline hadn't left yet and heard me grassing her up and gave me an indignant bollocking. I had my revenge by timing my approach to her car with a crowbar with her return from powdering her nose. I must say that when the keys were locked in the BMW that Caroline used to have they came out and got her in with no trouble, so draw your own conclusions about the customer service of BMW versus Saab. Further calls were made to the garage and Autoglass to find out the cheapest option, getting the 'recovery' people out or knocking in the back window, then another instructor for C-Life was called, and he was prepared to haul the spare keys up from Kent to get Caroline back in. Caroline then decided she needed a copy of 'Diver' and grabbed the crowbar from the boot to apply it to my wallet so she could go spending while I sat by the phone waiting for the key bitch to call to confirm pick up.

Dive three was to be a search for the APC now it has been moved to the 20m level. On the Xmas eve dive with some of the YD Massive Leslie went and got some directions-150 degrees from the blunt end of the Stanegarth or carry on past the white van near the helicopter. We decided to carry on past the van, the vis allowing for a wide area to be searched for something as large as an armoured vehicle. The step was used as the entry point and we quickly dropped to 6m and began the finning to the drop.

The broken pipe that is the direction arrow to the helicopter was passed as we headed down the cliff, passing the tail of the Wessex on the way to the van. This too was left behind as we travelled the perimeter of the 20m level staying 8-10, from the cliff and being able to see the same distance the other way. We carried on trogging along admiring the empty plain as Caroline did her stretching exercises in preparation for her starring role in ‘Caroline Does Shutdowns’. A bank of silt is the usual indicator of something of interest as poor buoyancy control from divers stirs up the bottom.

Unfortunately this time the cloud of silt was just that and only hid more silt, so I signalled to Caroline to head back and hit 6m for the filming as we did our stop. Skirting the silt I managed to lose Caroline, so I went right hand down a bit looking for her, and ascending to look over the top of the silt for her bubbles. Unfortunately Caroline breathes like a fish, and I couldn’t find a bubble trail. I was just about to ascend when up she pops, later saying that she was next to me, although I think that a game of hide-behind-my-buddy was being played. We didn’t find the APC and as Caroline was getting too cold to want to play with the video camera so we bubbled away at 6m on the swim back before surfacing again at the step.

Caroline took the chance to get cold but ever the gentleman, Alex was there with hot tea. We were still waiting for Simon, so Caroline decamped to the changing rooms to defrost a bit, returning after half an hour or so to ponce my spare clothes so she looked partly respectable for a trip to the pub.

We managed to wedge all of Caroline’s gear in my car, with the exception of the trapeze. Caroline put on the socks from my spare clothes bag and we wandered down to the pub to get in the warm. Under the delusion that a] she is the reincarnation of Queen Elizabeth the First and b] I am a gentleman, she insisted that I give her a piggyback over the damp patches in the car park. For maximum embarrassment I carried her all the way into the bar before dropping her down. Drinks and grub ordered a sit by the fire was called for. I told Ray Caroline's tale of woe when he made the day even better: the pub was closing and not open in the evening. The staff were waiting to close the pub while we were sat there waiting for Simon-who had been held up on the M25 and was still traveling. Another frantic phone call was made to Simon who was just passing junction 15A of the M1 and bearing any problems should be on site in 45 minutes. The news put Ray's mind at rest, but not as much as it did Caroline's. Caroline said it was her round so could I get the drinks in. A coffee and hot chocolate later I carried Caroline back up to the cars as Simon arrives to what appears to be a bride being carried across the threshold of the car park at Stoney. So at last Caroline can get off home, arriving after five hours of travel. I feel smug as I get back after 40 minutes.

Dive data:

Dive 1

34.4m
27 min

SI: 1h 10 min

Dive 2

21.3 m
28 min

SI: 1 h 50 min

Dive 3

21.0 m
37 min

[DIVE BUDDHA]

great report david !! did u say u had pictures??
any chance of upping the gnomes pics to my e-mail mate and also will see ya sunday !!!

[Alex]

Was good to see you David. Nice report!

Nice gnomes- I visited them 3 times now! And there are still 2 gnomes in the hydrobox

See you on Sunday possibly

[sexydivebuddy]

[DIVE BUDDHA]

does that meen we have 2 gnomes thats branchin out ! mm they need to be rehomed les??? i forgot about them 2 at the box lol

[Alex]

Originally Posted by yipeediver

does that meen we have 2 gnomes thats branchin out ! mm they need to be rehomed les??? i forgot about them 2 at the box lol

The viz around the box is near zero now, with clouds of silt kicked up by some highly skilled divers, so its no surprise the gnomes can't find ther way

[sexydivebuddy]

[purple vonny]

Good report Fleeflow. You can't get enough of that old puddle can you?