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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yahweh View Post
    Are you impugning my reputation?... (remember has 2 Ms in it)

    Sorry, I have fat fingers due to eating too much bacon.
    Paul.

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    If God had intended us to breathe underwater, he would have given us larger bank balances.

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  3. #12
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    Simple Saurkraut.

    One large firm cabbage sliced.
    One large onion sliced
    Three cups of soda water
    One cup of vegetable oil
    One cup of white vinegar
    Eight tablespoons of sugar
    One tablespoon of salt
    One teaspoon of ground black pepper
    (Adjust seasoning to your taste.)

    Put it all in a bowl, cover well,refrigerate and it will be ready in 24-48 hours, depending on how crispy you like it.
    Can be served hot or cold.
    It will keep for 3-4 days in the fridge.
    Like my quick bacon, this is made for the flavour and texture, not for its' keeping properties. Treat as a fresh pruduct.
    Paul.

    Human beings were invented by water as a device for transporting itself from one place to another.

    If God had intended us to breathe underwater, he would have given us larger bank balances.

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  5. #13
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    I will call this the BTS, bacon in tomato sauce, it has no name I have developed in over the years to absolute perfection.

    You need:

    Bacon, cut into 1cm bits, a mix of smoked and non smoked works well, don't use smoked alone, it takes over the dish....
    An onion
    Couple of bits of garlic
    Mushrooms of choice.
    Tin chopped toms
    Tom puree
    Tom ketchup
    Basil
    Lemon juice

    The amounts are not overly important just use everything to taste.

    The cooking is the important bit.

    I do all this in a wok with a lid

    First chop the onion and garlic, chuck it in the wok and add salt and pepper, sweat it off on a low heat with the lid on for ten minutes, don't let it burn.
    Remove the mix from the pan and put it in a dish for later.

    Wack up the heat and fry the bacon, really fry it, it needs to have brown bits on it for full flavour, if during cooking you get bacon juice in the pan spoon it out, the liquid will cause the bacon to boil, we need it to fry...

    Once th ebacon is caramelised put the onion and garlic back in, add the shrooms and cook for a couple of minutes.

    Add the tin of toms, the puree, about half a tablespoon per portion, a squeeze of ketchup, stir, cover and turn the heat right down.

    Spend 20 mins online doing your duty by telling people they are going to die.

    Remove from heat, tear the Basil a good handful per person, don't be tight with the basil, load it in, tear it don't chop it, mix it in, add the lemon juice, half a lemon for two portions or to taste, stir and serve, garnish with a little more basil.

    Done

  6. #14
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    Doigts de poisson avec creme de pommes de terre et pois vert:

    Grill fish fingers so they're brown not burned to buggery.
    Mash some spuds.
    Boil some peas.

    Arrange artfully on a plate and serve with a can of Vimto and some ketchup

    Last edited by Woz; 02-11-12 at 01:00 PM.
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    Recipes

    Similar to bye the seas. This is a pseudo Spanish / student dish. You need:

    Tin of baked beans
    Chorizo
    Egg
    Cheese
    Tabasco

    1. Mix beans and chopped chorizo in a small dish
    2. Put in microwave
    3. Get out of microwave
    4. Crack egg on top
    5, add cheese and Tabasco
    6. Back in microwave for 1 minute

    Eat......


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  10. #16
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    I don't like the look of those peas. And there isn't nearly enough mashed potato. And you can keep your nasty old tomato sauce.

    Mushy peas out of a tin and lots of mashed potato. That's what you need.

    Quote Originally Posted by Woz View Post
    If you have to think about it for more than thirty seconds, you probably shouldn't get in.

  11. #17
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    Mexican pizza:

    2 flour tortillas
    Loads of grated strong cheddar
    Peri Peri sauce or something similar
    Sour cream

    Pile the cheese on the tortillas and drizzle with hot sauce
    Stick under the grill until cheese starts to melt - don't let the tortillas get too crispy or you won't be able to wrap 'em.
    Remove from heat, throw on a goodly amount of sour cream, roll up the tortillas and eat them.

    This is an excellent Saturday lunch for consuming whilst catching up with the week's Corrie and Easties.
    If you have to think about it for more than thirty seconds, you probably shouldn't get in.

  12. #18
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    Prick.

    Take one prick.
    Wrap it in a prick.
    Cover with prick sauce.
    Prick with a fork.
    Grill for 20 light years.
    Throw in bin.
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  13. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Woz View Post
    Prick.

    Take one prick.
    Wrap it in a prick.
    Cover with prick sauce.
    Prick with a fork.
    Grill for 20 light years.
    Throw in bin.
    If you have to think about it for more than thirty seconds, you probably shouldn't get in.

  14. #20
    All hail the mighty ZOM Woz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kirstie View Post
    That is distressing
    Currently attired in Seaskin's finest

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