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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
Well, a tale of derring do is stretching the truth somewhat .............. in fact ............. to be honest ............... it's more a tale of 'erring' and 'do not'! Please note 'erring' is not a fish in case any Londoners are reading this.

Well ..... where to start ......... firstly - I haven't had a dive since last September. Secondly, we managed to fill a charter boat (Inspiration) from within our club (miracle in itself) which nearly involved every member we have!!! So today was a shallow dive to kick start my diving for this year.

Anyhow, last night I was out on the p*ss with family celebrating a birthday and which involved, occasionaly, being handed shot glasses of curiously coloured (and tasting) alcohol to 'down in one'. We ended up in some Russian bar hoovering down shots of vodka.

I woke up on the day of my first dive for ages feeling like a pile of sh*t but hoped I would recover in time. I forced water down my neck as often as I could face it and prayed for relief from the pain. At 10am I was "definitely not going", at 12 I was probably not going and at 3 pm I left the house and went. However, I still didn't feel great and was prepared not to dive if need be.

Because I hadn't dived for ages and because we had some almost charter boat virgins along I had specified a max depth of 20 mtrs. Lack of vis on the wreck we were planning to dive meant we rescheduled late and chose the Oceana which would be a max of 25 mtrs (low water) and turned out to be at 22 mtrs.

I went in last because I need room, wanted to take my time and was on my own and was aiming to join the others on the wreck ........ probably.

I dropped down the shot and my apprehensions started to fade away, no problems with the kit, the breathing was good and, although very dark, the vis was about 4 mtrs at the bottom of the shot.

Someone had already collected a bag of scallops (shows how long it took me to get ready) and tied them to the shot line. As is customarily my duty (because I am last in) I folded up the anchor, deployed the lift bag and started filling it using my 'elephant's trunk' (fill and purge at the same time). I'd got the bag partially filled and was wondering about finishing the job when I started to get that floaty feeling. DUMP DUMP DUMP ........ oh f*ck that's not working, head down and fin like mad ...................... that seemed like it might work but I could feel my dry suit feet expanding! Lobbocks I must still be going up! I reverted to a heads up position and tried to dump air but by then I'd lost it and was shooting up for the surface.

End result, gas, charter boat cost, ½ a day of my life and ................. all for a 4 minute dive and a rapid ascent from 20 mtrs. Fortunately, I had effectively done a bounce dive and suffered no obvious side effects or DCI.

I'm not sure if my dry suit inflator, which was a bit crudded up, was slowly filling up my suit or whether my lift bag inflation technique failed me this time.

Sad to say one of the irregulars missed his safety stop and sucked on the O2 as a precautionary measure and a one was sick everywhere.

Other than that .......... I had a marvellous day out!!

:):):)

Oh yes, apologies to Markus for the muppetry.

By the by, I put this tale of Finless woe here because it is hardly a dive/trip report and it COULD have been an incident, but wasn't. Feel free to move it if ................. :)
 

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DUE CEO, Booking agent, Coffee maker & Dogsbody...
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10,161 Posts
Bryan mate, i thought you learn't your drinking lesson a long time ago.

Glad you are OK

My diving experience today was FAR, FAR worse than this :( and unfortunately it will be plastered all over the boards soon :(

At least you were diving in the sea :)
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
And I thought small dive knives were 'de rigeur'!

:)
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Bryan mate, i thought you learn't your drinking lesson a long time ago.

Glad you are OK

My diving experience today was FAR, FAR worse than this :( and unfortunately it will be plastered all over the boards soon :(

At least you were diving in the sea :)
I look forward to being plastered!! :):)

I take the last smiley to mean that nothing serious or bad happened and it is only embarrassing?
 

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DUE CEO, Booking agent, Coffee maker & Dogsbody...
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I take the last smiley to mean that nothing serious or bad happened and it is only embarrassing?
I got caught by the worse people possible in a VERY bad situation, they really are a bunch of To$$ers ;)
 

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Driving my truck with my high-heels on...
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all for a 4 minute dive and a rapid ascent from 20 mtrs. Fortunately, I had effectively done a bounce dive and suffered no obvious side effects or DCI.
Trouble is that at Bryans stage of life a DCI hit would probably improve things :rolleyes:
 

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DUE CEO, Booking agent, Coffee maker & Dogsbody...
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Don't worry Bryan, it must be the Oceana curse! The first time I ever dived on that wreck I had an inverted ascent with a total dive time of about 4mins! And who should get to me before the club rib? Markus on Inspiration!
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #10 · (Edited)
Don't worry Bryan, it must be the Oceana curse! The first time I ever dived on that wreck I had an inverted ascent with a total dive time of about 4mins! And who should get to me before the club rib? Markus on Inspiration!
Good old Markus!
:):)

The more I think about my ascension to a higher place the more convinced I am that it must have been my drysuit inflator that must have been stuck slightly open ....... I was worried about it before I got in the water.

I was negatively buoyant on the bottom whilst dealing with the anchor. The bag started lifting and stopped above me. I went for neutral and, I guess, that was when the d/s inflator must have not returned to a fully closed position. I swam forward so I could turn round and 'up up and away' I went.

I did think about pulling my d/s inflator hose but I knew I'd already lost the battle. In retrospect I was glad of the buoyancy at the surface whilst I did the Liverpool thing - "calm down". Yanking open my neck seal didn't cross my mind until I was back on the boat :( ........ although, with gloves and my neck seal collar I don't think I could have done it in time anyway.

One thing I did learn is that my tiredness that I usually feel after a dive must be due to the time under water. I ached like normal and, indeed, tweaked some back muscles but I was not tired like normal. I suppose it could have been the adrenaline ................

Anyway, I am planning on slowing my ascent rate to a max of 6 mtrs per minute in future ............ I hope! :)
 
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