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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK - I'll just make this start and be back with some more soon.
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #2 · (Edited)
My Dad has been suffering from Alzheimer's for a few years. It is ultimately a fatal disease/affliction(?).

My Dad is a real burden for my Mum (both in their 80s) who had a stroke last year.

We all know everyone dies but this is just awful to watch their lives and in misery and despair for my Mum. My Dad is fine, I think, in his own way because he doesn't really know what's happening.

I, and my brilliant partner Angie, do what we can and it is not enough ......... I'm not a 'carer type person' and I find it so hard to deal with ......... I tend to fall back on doing manual stuff for them ............ gardening, DIY, fetch and carry ............

At the moment they get no support beyond the medication.

My Dad's memory (obviously) is badly affected ........... he usually can't remember my name although, after a while, he does remember my elder brother's name.

I typed up a very brief, one sheet of A4, potted history of my Dad's life (where born, family names etc) and the made up a questionnaire for him to fill in. This does seem to help a bit with remembering names but I'm not entirely certain it actually means anything to him beyond knowing the answers to the questions.

It is very apparent that some memory is completely lost as he always struggles with the same questions. I had hoped that he would remember stuff again in a diff bit of the brain ......... I think it helps a bit. Because he was good with maths I have also prepared some papers with simple maths questions and some VERY basic algebra and he seems to cope with these much better.

From my own POV it is very distressing because I can't accept the problem and too often and up shouting (it's a family trait from my Mum) and I feel f*ck*ng awful about it. As I get more used to it I manage to stop myself more but it does lead to some pretty low opinions of myself.

We did originally send him to a 'day centre' but some of the people were almost catatonic and completely gone and it was so depressing that even he, in his incapacitated state, didn't want to go anymore.

At the moment he is happy playing patience all the time and having his roll ups.

We also make him do some very simple jigsaw puzzles (4-6 year old type) with a max of 50 to 100 pieces and he seems to be happy when he's doing this.

Ultimately, I can only see that we will have to sell or let our bungalow and move in to look after them ............. I can't stand the thought of them being put into care .......... certainly nothing we can afford.

I too would be glad to pick the YD collective brain and see if there is anything we don't know about.

One last point, my Mum fought for and got him on 'preceptin(?)' which she is convinced did help. He also gets some vitamin supplements and Vitamin B Complex (from Healthy Direct) which are considered to have supplements for things which, in deficiency, are thought to cause or speed the onset of Alzheimer's.
 
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I am a person NOT a number
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Following negotiation with my elderly aunt and her repeated admissions into hospital the last one a week after she was discharged following fracturing her hip she has finally accepted she is no longer able to cope in her home and has agreed to move in with me.
While she was in with her fractured hip i drove to london weekly to visit her and she would get me confused and not know who i was and she also had no memory of me visiting when we spoke on the phone :frown:
I want her out of hospital asap as I do not think staying in elderly ward is doing her mental health much good and is just adding to her confusion. Despite her being in hospital for over 3 weeks this time she has not been seen by a social worker so I have left several message to hospital social worker with no replies so today I faxed her requesting a Social work Assessment. B y doing this it stops the hospital discharging her home without a proper care plan or package and ensures that they have to liase with me as her next of kin.
Friends tell me not to do this and say its too much a liability but I feel as I know my rights and am assertive enough to make sure both mine and her needs are met then its the least I can do for this woman who is my only remaining family I have excluding my children and grand children.
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
I'm off to search for some forums related to the subject ......... I did look last time I mentioned this but didn't see anything that I thought was very helpful.

Can anybody recommend a good forum.

I'm convinced I've got it because my memory is becoming atrocious .......... sometimes I forget the end of the sentence I am speaking and some strange word comes out that is, I think, a combination of the 2 or 3 words I was thinking of.

Life? You get squeezed out of somewhere cozy (I imagine) and smacked on the arse immediately and all you have to look forward to is death with some sex and drink on the way. It makes you think ..... unless you have Alzheimer's! :)
 

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This is my happy face!!
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Ginger, Irish, sometimes stroppy
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Hang in there Finless, he is lucky to have family that cares and look after him. Its a small consolation that there is a lot of work on going to understand and better treat the disease. With a aging population it is becoming a bigger issue as we begin to live longer and so it is one of the more popular areas that new drugs are being sought.
 

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Just not enough dive time.
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Best wishes Bryan, you're doing a great job there, you may only think you are doing minor stuff by doing the heavy stuff but it's all good work. It's horrible watching family and friends die, something we see more and more of as we get that bit older, I really dont know how to console you about that, I havent found the answer yet.

Matt
 

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For some bizarre reason....
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Best of luck with your family Finless.

I can't offer much advice, I had a great aunt who's mind was as sharp as a razor but who's body gave up years before she did - her last words were "thats it I've had enough" and she never woke up just passed away. Now my Grandmother suffered from dementia, and somedays she knew me, and on others she complained that she hadn't seen her mum for a while - in some respects I prefferred that state as she didn't know she was simply old; I had to adjust to just go with the flow, not try to make her remember just let her take pleasure in any little thing. My parents found a very good home for her, with people who could understand the Yorkshire accent, and could remember the local area, and I have to say that worked well.

-Paul

PM me for my number if you want to talk anytime
 

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There is an organisation called "Crossroads" (I think). Don't know if it is just a local organistaion, but the arrange for "sitters" to give the carer a break.

The local council have an obligation to provide help in some form. Carers save the Government a shed load of money, and they have the entitlement to help and respite assistance.

May also be worth looking for other day centres. Some are obviously better than others.

Marcus
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Thanks to all for the posts, PM's and offers of 'an ear' etc - it is much appreciated.

I am grateful that my parents have had a long life and they still have a good distance left in them yet. All in all I am grateful but it is just a shame to see their final years blighted when they probably need each other's company more than ever.

People out there are suffering worse and with less people around them than my parents but it is enough for me to just worry about them.

Have you ever wondered about the phrase "there's always someone worse off" .......... someone must be worst off? ................. perhaps the title changes minute by minute? Anyway, I can definitely spare some sympathy for them! :)
 

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Spider Crabs can just f*ck off
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Have you ever wondered about the phrase "there's always someone worse off" .......... someone must be worst off? ................. perhaps the title changes minute by minute? Anyway, I can definitely spare some sympathy for them! :)
What a thoroughly nice bloke you are :)
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
What a thoroughly nice bloke you are :)
Like most people I have my moments and lots where I am a complete pancake flipper! :)
 

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Just not enough dive time.
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Bryan, just had a thought mate, are they getting everything off the DHSS that they should or maybe you should get, things like carers payments etc. Unless you ask for these extras you dont get them. My in-laws only found out after the MIL died that they should have been getting extra payments as the FIL was looking after the old girl and they had applied for one extra allowance which they didnt get (apparently she didnt qualify as she could just about walk to the loo) but would have qualified for a different one. I'd recommend you go to the CAB and ask them what you can claim for, then ask at the loca loffice too, they seem to be very helpful (if you ask) but not forthcoming if you dont. I know you dont want to 'profit' from this situation but any extras might make your parents life a bit easier.

Matt
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
Bryan, just had a thought mate, are they getting everything off the DHSS that they should or maybe you should get, things like carers payments etc. Unless you ask for these extras you dont get them. My in-laws only found out after the MIL died that they should have been getting extra payments as the FIL was looking after the old girl and they had applied for one extra allowance which they didnt get (apparently she didnt qualify as she could just about walk to the loo) but would have qualified for a different one. I'd recommend you go to the CAB and ask them what you can claim for, then ask at the loca loffice too, they seem to be very helpful (if you ask) but not forthcoming if you dont. I know you dont want to 'profit' from this situation but any extras might make your parents life a bit easier.

Matt
That was being looked at but, TBH, I don't know the outcome. :embarassed:
 

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alzheimers/dementia

for those with elderly parents out there (or maybe yourselves) please note that before dementia sets in that you can have an ENDURING POWER OF ATTORNEY drawn up to authorise someone to act on your behalf to deal with your finances when you are unable to. You can have the doc. drawn up to only commence when your relatives believe or have reason to believe that you are losing your mental capacity.

If you do not have an Enduring power drawn up and lose your mental capacity (lose your marbles to mere mortals) then your relatives should really apply to the Court of Protection to act on your behalf. Banks etc will not let relatives act for relatives who have lost mental capacity without an EPA.

Public Guardianship Office for more details.



note that later this year the govt are changing the rules to enable your nominated person to take welfare decisions for you.....to set this new type of power up is more complex and therefore more expensive. see your local solicitor for advice.
 
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