YD Scuba Diving Forums banner

1 - 3 of 3 Posts

Premium Member
5,739 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Imported post

As taken from UKRS:

"In the beginning, when GI3 took over the WKPP, the gear configuration was a formless wasteland, and the darkness of personal preference covered the abyss, while a mighty wind swept over the waters.

Then GI3 said, "Let there be light," and there was HID. GI3 saw how good the HID light was. GI3 then separated the HID light from the Halogen, saying that HID overpowered Halogen and rendered it invisible. Evening came, and morning followed--the first day.

Then GI3 said, "Let there be many gases used by divers in the waters, to separate the macho deep air morons from those smart enough to use Mix." And so it happened: GI3 made the Standard Gases, and it separated the narked from the clear-headed. Evening came, and morning followed--the second day.

Then GI3 said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered into a single basin, so that the dry land may appear." And so it happened: the water under the sky was gathered into its basin, and the dry land appeared. But under the dry land, there were caves in abundance. Yea, they were filled with water as well, and only the true followers of GI3 could safely enter them. GI3 saw how good it was.

Then GI3 said, "Let Halcyon bring forth equipment: every piece of kit that bears its badge shall be considered Righteous." And so it happened: Halcyon brought forth every kind of dive gear, and many purchases were made. GI3 saw how good it was. Evening came, and morning followed--the third day.

Then GI3 said: "Let there be lights hung from the chest D-rings, to illuminate the caves when the primary stops working. Let them not overdrive the bulb, and serve as luminaries in the caves of the earth." And so it happened: GI3 made divers carry two backup lights. GI3 set them in little rubber bands made from carved-up bicycle tubes, and He saw how good it was. Evening came, and morning followed--the fourth day.

Then GI3 said, "Let the water teem with an abundance of divers." And so it happened: GI3 dubbed the great technical divers, and all kinds of recreational divers with which the water teems, Strokes. GI3 saw how bad they were, and GI3 blessed his followers, saying, "Be self-righteous, multiply, and fill the water of the seas." Evening came, and morning followed--the fifth day.

Then GI3 said, "Let the earth bring forth all kinds of agencies: PADI, NAUI, SSI, and wild independent clubs of all kinds." And so it happened: There were many agencies teaching dangerous practices. GI3 saw how bad it was.

Then GI3 said: "Let us make an agency in our image, after our likeness. Let them have dominion over the Instroketors, the Desperation divers, and the recreational divers, and the clubs." GI3 created the GUE in his image; in the divine image He created him; male and female he created them.

GI3 blessed them, saying: "Be fertile and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the divers of the sea, and all the agencies that move on the earth."

GI3 also said: "See, I tell you where every piece of equipment should go, even unto the tiniest things; I tell you what gases to use, what brands to buy, and what practices to adopt." And so it happened. GI3 looked at everything He had made, and He found it very good. Evening came, and morning followed--the sixth day.

Thus the WKPP and the GUE and all their array were completed.

Since on the seventh day GI3 was finished with the work He had been doing, He rested on the seventh day from all the work He had undertaken, and sent many flaming emails to the Techdiver list. So GI3 blessed email and made it holy, because on it He could tell everybody what they were doing wrong.

Such is the story of the WKPP and the GUE at their creation. At the time when the Lord GI3 made the WKPP and the GUE -- while as yet there were no DIR courses on earth.

The Lord GI3 formed the DIR diver out of the clay of the Hogarthian configuration and blew into his long hose the Trimix of life, and so the DIR diver became a living being. Then the Lord GI3 created the DIRquest list, and He gave access to it to the diver whom he had formed.

The Lord GI3 gave the DIR diver this order: "You are free to eat from any of the trees of the garden except the Tree of Knowledge of Personal Preference. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die."

The Lord GI3 said: "It is not good for the DIR diver to be alone, but I can't let him break Rule One. I will make a suitable buddy for him."

So the Lord GI3 demanded a long deco stop of the DIR diver, and while he was hovering in mid-water, He took out half of his mind and closed up its place with solid bone.

The Lord GI3 then built up into a course the intelligence that he had taken from the DIR diver. When he brought the course to the DIR diver, the DIR diver said: "This one, at last, is mind of my mind and configuration of my configuration; This one shall be called 'DIR-Fundamentals,' for out of 'the DIR diver' this one has been taken."

That is why a man leaves his recreation diving agency and clings to the GUE, he looses half his wits and follows GUE guidelines even when he doesn't understand them."
1 - 3 of 3 Posts