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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #1 · (Edited)
FFS. I am about to undo the Company payroll for the second time and redo it for the 3rd time. Payroll to me is a software program on the computer where I stick numbers in one end and everything else comes out the other ............ apart from real money.

Today, an employee (my niece) has retired to have a baby and will be back in due course ........... I mean, FFS, it's her 3rd child ........... it only takes a minute to have a baby!!! Just how many children do some people want. If it only takes a minute or 2 so how come she gets 17 years of maternity leave? I mean, humans are spreading like a virus and consuming all the resources and she's breeding like a 'kin rabbit!!! What happened to just 'practising'?

So, this means we have to employ someone else on a part time basis to do her work. Today, I do last months payroll and having completed it, printed all reports and payslips and processed the payments through Internet banking when I am informed that I have used the wrong minimum wage figure ............. apparently two farthings is well out of date.

So, poxy job that it is I now have to restore my backed up file, shred all the reports/payslips and reverse the bank payment. Then, re input everything again ............. reports ......... payslips ............ Internet banking ............. file all the new paperwork AND having just finished, settled back into my chair with a happy contented smile ......................... when I noticed an envelope with an upgrade disc to input all the budget changes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arrggghhhhh, I mean, arggghhhhh, piddlyayroll oodly ....................

Also, I read Monday's D/Mail about Alzheimer's/brainy mice and Cdk5 - why have I got Cdk5, I don't want it ......... or if I do I wan't more or less or better etc!!!!

I'm going downstairs to punch some cardboard boxes or out to give my car a good thrashing with a big twig!!!!!!!!!!! :angry:
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #2 ·

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Sorry, got tempted

FFS. I am about to undo the Company payroll for the second time and redo it for the 3rd time. Payroll to me is a software program on the computer where I stick numbers in one end and everything else comes out the other ............ apart from real money.

So, this means we have to employ someone else on a part time basis to do her work. Today, I do last months payroll and having completed it, printed all reports and payslips and processed the payments through Internet banking when I am informed that I have used the wrong minimum wage figure ............. apparently two farthings is well out of date.

So, poxy job that it is I now have to restore my backed up file, shred all the reports/payslips and reverse the bank payment. Then, re input everything again ............. reports ......... payslips ............ Internet banking ............. file all the new paperwork AND having just finished, settled back into my chair with a happy contented smile ......................... when I noticed an envelope with an upgrade disc to input all the budget changes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arrggghhhhh, I mean, arggghhhhh, piddlyayroll oodly ....................

I'm going downstairs to punch some cardboard boxes or out to give my car a good thrashing with a big twig!!!!!!!!!!! :angry:
Ok, shameless plug, but Finless started it...
Payroll to me is something we do for other people
MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Ok, shameless plug, but Finless started it...
Payroll to me is something we do for other people
MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing
Eh? Started what? I defy you to point out a shameless plug for MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing or anything else in my opening post!!!

I never mentioned MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing in my opening post because I'd never heard of MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing until you mentioned MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing in your reply to my post!

I've just got a bollocking for 'high-jacking' a thread and you have the audacity to come on my thread mentioning MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing without checking if I minded you mentioning MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing.

FFS!

:)
 
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Sorry

Apologies - you're right, I should have asked if you'd mind me mentioning MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing before I mentioned MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing

I appreciate that you might not have welcomed me mentioning MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing and therefore I'd like to apologise for mentioing MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing

However, many thanks to the 2 people that contacted me to ask for further information on MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software, Services and Outsourcing
 

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Go Big or Go Home
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MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software,
Services and Outsourcing


What do they do then?
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #8 ·
MidlandHR - HR and Payroll Solutions - HR software, Payroll software,
Services and Outsourcing


What do they do then?
Well, amongst other things, they appear to offer servicing!! Nudge nudge!!!
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·

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Sub-optimal DIR wannabe
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Is the servicing provided by nice young ladies or naughty young ladies? It's ............ it's not provided by you is it? :eek:mg:
Naughty young ladies are very nice indeed.
 

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I want to reply but...

I want to work there next week (and beyond) so much as I am tempted to reply...

Well, I want to work there next week but as some absolute t****r back-ended me yesterday (come on - set you up for a reply there Finless) I have to work from home on Monday so the Insurance company can come & sort out the estimate for the repairs to the damage to my lovely 6-month old car :frown:

In the stop/start driving of the M1 car park yesterday - the line of traffic all braked - other than the bloke in the mod'd Honda Civic behind me - saw him in the rear view mirror snaking towards me, tyres smoking and all I could think was "brace yourself, you're going to take it up the back end"...
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Well, I want to work there next week but as some absolute t****r back-ended me yesterday (come on - set you up for a reply there Finless) I have to work from home on Monday so the Insurance company can come & sort out the estimate for the repairs to the damage to my lovely 6-month old car :frown:

In the stop/start driving of the M1 car park yesterday - the line of traffic all braked - other than the bloke in the mod'd Honda Civic behind me - saw him in the rear view mirror snaking towards me, tyres smoking and all I could think was "brace yourself, you're going to take it up the back end"...
As if I would .............. I too may have to sit on a rubber ring one day!! :teeth: Anyway, suppository fitting from now on should be a doddle! Trust me, one day you will have to!!! :)

Oh ......... sorry to hear about the damage to the wheels.
 
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