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A carrot and a tomato were walking across the street when the carrot was hit by a car. The tomato called 999. An ambulance came and took the carrot to the hospital. The tomato went to the hospital to wait for his friend, and when he got there the carrot was still in the emergency room, so the tomato paced nervously. Finally, the doctor called out, "Mr. Tomato?" The tomato went over, and asked the doctor, "How is he?" The doctor replied, "I have good news and bad news. The good news is that he is still alive. The bad news is that he will be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
 

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OK - Scuttler beat me to it...have this corny offering instead :teeth:

Whenever the conversation gets around to Murphy's Law which states:
"Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong",

it's always good fun to say:

"Yes, but that's not as bad as Cole's Law."
Eventually someone's bound to ask: "What is Cole's Law?".
The answer: "shredded carrot and cabbage in mayonnaise."
 

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A trend developing?

There were two carrots walking down the road, a big carrot and a little carrot.

On the other side of the road they see their friend cabbage in his cabbage patch.

Big carrot says: "Let's go visit cabbage on the other side of the road."

Little carrotsays: "But there is so much traffic here I'm afraid I might get

run over."
Big carrot says: "Nonsense, just wait for a break in the traffic and run as fast

as you can."
Big carrot sees a break in the traffic and runs over to cabbage. He then calls

to is friend to try. Little carrot gets ready, sees a break in the traffic and runs

across the road. Unfortunately there was a big truck coming and little carrot

gets squashed in the middle of the road. Big carrot feels really bad and scoops

his friend up and takes him to the hospital. The doctors perform emergency

surgery. After several hours the doctor comes out. "I have some good news

and some bad news." Big carrot says: "Ok doc, go ahead, I can take it." The

doctor says, "Well the good news is that your friend is going to live, but the

bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."
 

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Rabbit walks into a butchers and asks "have you got any carrots?"
butcher says this is a butchers we don't sell carrots
next day the rabbit goes back in have you got any carrots
butcher replies i told you yesterday we dont sell carrots
next day rabbit goes back in have you got any carrots
butcher says fuck off i told you yesterday we dont sell carrots if you come in here again asking for carrots i'll nail your paws to the counter
next day the rabbit goes back in "have you got any nails?" he asks
butcher replies "no i don't have any bloody nails"
rabbit says can i have some carrots then :teeth:

This is the only joke a friend of mine knows and tells it every time he's pissed :frown:
 

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A guy goes into the bar with a carrot in his ear. He orders a drink. The bar tender wants to mention the carrot but doesn't.

Next day the same guy with a carrot in his ear goes to the same bar and orders a drink. Again the bar tender wants to say something about the carrot but doesn't.

The 3rd day the same guy and the same carrot go to the bar and order a drink. As the bar tender serves the man he can't stand it anymore. He says to the patron, "Hey Mack, you know you got a carrot in your ear? The patron says to the bartender, I can't hear you because I've got a carrot in my ear.



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How do you make gold soup?? Answer take 24 carrots

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A rabbit went to a general store in the countryside: "Do you have any carrots?"
The clerk replied: "Sorry, don't have any"
So the rabbit went away. He came back the next morning, and again asked: "do you have any carrots?" And the clerk replied again: "Sorry, don't have any"
This happened every morning for about a week. Then one morning, the clerk was getting a bit p****d off about the rabbit coming over every morning, so he said to the rabbit: "Now look, we don't sell any carrots here, you ask for carrots one more time, I'll nail you to the wall from your ears!"
The rabbit stood still for a while, and went away.
The next morning the rabbit came to the store again, and asked: "Do you have any nails?"
The clerk was a bit confused, but replied: "No, I just run out of nails, sorry little fella."
The rabbit: "Well do you have any carrots, then?"


Edit: Beaten to it!
 
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