Quote[/b] ]Quote: from Steve W on 4:45 pm on Jan. 15, 2003
(fairly well-endowed in the torch department!)
Ok, many people have, upon seeing Steves Torch wondered where he must have obtained such a beast for it is a truly unique piece of equipment.
Well, after much investigation I have found out the truth. It starts out a long time ago.
Not content with amassing vast fortunes aquiring Nazi gold, or producing obscenely expensive timepieces, or becoming world authorities in the making of cuckoo clocks and holey cheese, the Swiss government were looking at other areas in which to embrace, expand, dominate and exploit (imagine Microsft but with cheese). A goverment committee was comissioned with selecting one area which would serve to take the Swiss into a new era. During a working group brainstoring session a fantastic new idea was hatched and developed which really would be new for the whole of Switzerland and could take them into a whole new direction - Military Goods. Of course being Swiss and therefore 'neutral', they felt honour bound not to produce arms of any description and of course, being Swiss they needed to enter an arena where vast profits could be made. After a number of special group studies and seeing how obscene profits could be made elsewhere, they finally they hit upon Marine goods - Military Marine Goods - add in a little Diving Orientation and there you have it - the ultimate money maker - but how to put these together, that was the question?
Now, the Swiss not being totally conversant with the requirements of a modern naval fighting force some help in developing killer ideas was required. So another Sub-commitee working group special action group was set-up and they brought in an outside Business-development 'Blue Sky' agency to help.
The agency were excellent and segmented the appropriate markets and, sure enough, found a gap in the market. The idea was fantastic, one that was completely unexploited by anybody else and it fitted an obvious need.
Down in the water it gets dark right, I mean really dark, especially at night. You need to see where you're going yeah?
Especially if you're driving a great big submarine!!
That's it! Headlights for submarines! What a killer idea.
Best of all they could charge a fortune for it. So, the idea was presented and a project started. Models were made, audiences were shown, excitement was generated and the funding approved to develop the idea further.
Eventually the day came and a prototype was unveiled to an expectant group of ministers and civil servants - WOW, thats a big, I mean BIG light. The attendant spectators were equipped with sunglasses and the light was dully switched on to a great applause - WOW, thats a bright light, and boy, do I mean bright! Fantastic, this was going to be a real success - all they need to do now was strap it to a Sub.
Before that, they needed to get a sub.
And, that's when the trouble started and the whole thing fell to pieces. You see when asking the British Navy for a sub for the weekend it was eventually realised that subs had a thing called SONAR and some of secret version of GPS so that the subs didn't need a headlight. Oh, and subs don't have windows!
The project was quietly abandoned and the evidence destroyed. The Light was due to be destroyed in a Government facility was instead stolen and sold for a night with an Eastern European lady.
Eventually that light made its way to a small diving shop in the UK - to be bought by a young BSAC diver looking for a handy back-up torch.
And that is the story of Steves Submarine Headlight.