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The Glasgow Herald has been running an article on what names various workers give to their customers/staff. An example was baggage handlers calling passengers "self-loading frieght". Some one wrote in and this was what was said;

The subsea industries derogatory defenition of a diver-a bio-degradable remotely operated vehicle-prompted further insight from an anonymous source in the offshore industry. He insists that divers are always given extra equipment as they have unique digital skillls, prompting a commom conundrum in the sub-sea constuction business;
Q-What happens if you give a diver three steel ball bearings?
A-He'll lose one, steal one and break the other!

So Andy, to cut it short, you're a bio-degradable clumsy thief
 


Peter
 

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<font color='#000080'>Yep and then you have  a bio-degradable clumsy  Ing topside with the plans up side down trying to get you to put a 17 mm spanner on a f**ing barnacle because that is exatly where that skrew is ( acording to his plans ) suposed to be.

Singed the EX commie

MIchael
 

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[b said:
Quote[/b] (peter k @ Dec. 24 2003,14:04)]Q-What happens if you give a diver three steel ball bearings?
A-He'll lose one, steal one and break the other!
Very similar from what I have heard in the fire service;

One to use, one to lose and one to break.

Always buy 3 times as much kit as you need.

Adrian
 

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<font color='#0000FF'>Pete,

Last year and i quote

Andy = Diver
Boss =  Twat.


Diver to Twat " I've just spent 3 hours searching the seabed with a poxy metal detector & and still can't find what you want me to find , I suggust we give this up tomorrow ".

Twat to Diver " The company has spent £ 000's in having this area surveyed, HI-TECH computers and software says it's down there , so you will carry on til i say to stop. "

Diver to twat " Ok Any chance of a £ 200 pay rise a day then ."

Twat to Diver " Piss offffffffffff, divers are 2 a penny , if not i'll buy a ROV that can do the work of 3 divers ".

DIVER to TWAT " Ok ,,,,, No problem ".


2 weeks later  the diver goes storming into big HQ and pushes his way into big bosses office " OIIIIII , See this paper, it's a survey conducted back in the 1940's ...... the whole seabed is a magnetic anomiliy from the frigging tin mines and slag heaps.......... HOW CAN YA COMPUTERS FUCK UP  here ? "

Angry diver goes home back to Dover , 3 weeks later th TWAT rings " Any chance you can come back to the ship as my new £ 000's of ROV is trapped inside a wreck, and 2 of my new divers can't get it out ".

Diver replies  " £ 1250 a day "
Twat says    "  No way, how about £ 550 + expenses "

Diver says  "   Go F**K yaself and buy 3 ROVS "



Andy
 

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<font color='#000080'>Andy,

I get the impression that it feels bloody good to be your own boss!
 

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Reminds me of the crap I had to put up with when I was a Commercial Diver.  Years ago we were working on this site where a lot of building work was being carried out on shore.  This site agent kept moaning at us because we were standing about too long and that we should help the workers on shore.  He was told that we were divers, we work under the water and that he had nothing to do with us.  Later, I was surfacing when this body with a yellow jacket passed by me.  The gang got pissed off with him and chucked him in the water
 

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<font color='#FF0000'>Most of my site agent's ended up under the concrete as they wouldn't pay the protection money.

Mind you I never thought of turning them into low flying yellow jackets.
 
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