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For some bizarre reason....
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Discussion Starter #1
Following my last thread on driving enlightenment on the subject of driving, I have always been how shall I say........ puzzled by the following behaviour:-

A car tonking it along a dual carriageway comes to a lorry, and pulls out to overtake. Most especially so when its windy and the lorry is weaving a bit. They then slow down, until they're past, when they speed up again, WHY?

Well, this morning, I had a EUREKA moment and figured it out. I was so happy I nearly got out of my car and danced around the street!


Cheers, Paul

PS whilst I'm on a roll, if you wish to have any driving behaviour explained please just add it to this post and I'll see what I can do.



Oh and I believe the only explanation possible of the behavior described is that they are thrill seekers!

Let me explain. The overtaking is the risky bit, especially when its windy. The thrill seeker will move into position, then slow down. They do this for two reasons, the first is anticipation of the thrill they are about to enjoy, and if you look closely you will see them lick their lips - this is before they actually move up alongside the said lorry; the second is so that they can prolong the period that they are at risk - like people who ride 'coasters, the longer the better!

They now move up alongside the lorry and start passing it. This is so pleasurable for them that about 2/3rds of the way past the lorry, you will see their whole car judder as they reach a form of climatic orgasm.

Finally they pass the lorry, and pull over before speeding-up. If you look closely you will see them lighting up a virtual ciggy and asking if that was as pleasurable for you as it was for them?

Which brings us to the reason lorries are there - to give pleasure to these thrill seekers. Sometimes you will get a lorry acknowledging this by sounding their horn at the above behaviour.

Oh and before anyone asks, I just put my right foot down and get past as quickly as possible! Lorries don't do it for me!
 

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The plan is vital, it's something to deviate from.
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Ah, now I understand, and I assume the people who drive up behind a lorry, brake, match speed to the lorry, then pull out to overtake and then, and only then, speed up just enough to get past, are simply prolonging the moment of anticipation and not simply rubbish at driving?
 

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For some bizarre reason....
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6,297 Posts
Discussion Starter #3
Ah, now I understand, and I assume the people who drive up behind a lorry, brake, match speed to the lorry, then pull out to overtake and then, and only then, speed up just enough to get past, are simply prolonging the moment of anticipation and not simply rubbish at driving?
Ahhh, the foreplay specialist! Yes I think you have them sussed!

Cheers, Paul
 

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Jesus don't want me for a sunbeam
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13,407 Posts
People on a clear motorway who are coming up to the junction they want to leave at and start slowing to 60 while they are still at the III marker.

Winds me up no end.
 

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For some bizarre reason....
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6,297 Posts
Discussion Starter #5
People on a clear motorway who are coming up to the junction they want to leave at and start slowing to 60 while they are still at the III marker.

Winds me up no end.

Dear Reader,

I can clearly see your problem, this type of behaviour is exhibited by those who suffer from premature ej..... exiting ! My best advice would be to use your audio warning device - and enhance it verbally - whilst indicating that the offender should seek gratification elsewhere! They may eventually pick up that they have a problem and seek professional advice.


Cheers, Paul
 

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The plan is vital, it's something to deviate from.
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487 Posts
And those who enter the motorway slooooowly, presumably to enhance their pleasure, whilst heading immediately for the centre or outside lane for extra sensitivity and the auditory stimulus they seek.
 

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3 boats down from the candy
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tantric

i have seen this type of behaviour from lorry drivers who start to overtake another lorry only to prolong it for miles, foggy following on from your reasoning i can only presume this amounts to tantric sex.
 

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Street Cleansing Operative
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4,427 Posts
Right . . .

Those who approach a roundabout with wide open visibility so that even 30 yards behind them I can see that it is completely clear of traffic, yet they still stop and spend 15 seconds looking at an empty road.

Or approaching a mini roundabout, seemingly giving way to traffic coming from their left.

Those quite happy to be exceeding a 40mph limit on an approach to the start of a motorway yet once the national limit kicks in remain in the outside lane still doing 60 mph.

Or Creeping around a curved sliproad at 35mph when it's perfectly possible for them to do it at 60mph, holding everyone up, and yet despite such an obvious lack of driving skill or an incapable motor vehicle they feel oddly able enough drivers to completely ignore the speed limit once they get on the straight road and shoot off at 90mph.

Those odd ones you see in your mirrors coming flying down the outside lane to overtake you, only to pull-in in front of you and drop their speed by 15 mph for some unknown reason so that you immediately have to overtake them again.

The people you approach quite comfortably yet feel the necessity to start to speed up once you start going past them, but will slow down again when you have finally cleared them.

Those who approach a motorway interchange that is a mile and a half long but feel it is necessary to slow everybody down to 40 mph so that they can pull off into their required lane within the first 100 yards.

The people who exit motorway road works in lane three having come out of a contraflow at 40 mph but take about 2 miles to realise they have two clear lanes inside them to pull over to and that they are now back onto the national limit.

Rubber-neckers!

And my bugbear . . . people who stop at traffic lights and rather than just pulling on the handbrake and relaxing instead decide it is better to sit for a couple of minutes having to press on the foot brake constantly and thereby burning their brake lights out every couple of months.

Go on, explain those tossers. :)



 

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For some bizarre reason....
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Discussion Starter #10
Ok after much consideration Here you go….

Those who approach a roundabout with wide open visibility so that even 30 yards behind them I can see that it is completely clear of traffic, yet they still stop and spend 15 seconds looking at an empty road.
Clearly Goldfish syndrome


Or approaching a mini roundabout, seemingly giving way to traffic coming from their left.
Obviously French


Those quite happy to be exceeding a 40mph limit on an approach to the start of a motorway yet once the national limit kicks in remain in the outside lane still doing 60 mph.
HGV drivers (NB they may be in a car, but the habits of driving in the outside lane with a speed limiter remain entrenched in their psyche)

Or Creeping around a curved sliproad at 35mph when it's perfectly possible for them to do it at 60mph, holding everyone up, and yet despite such an obvious lack of driving skill or an incapable motor vehicle they feel oddly able enough drivers to completely ignore the speed limit once they get on the straight road and shoot off at 90mph.
The Tease or Flirt

Those odd ones you see in your mirrors coming flying down the outside lane to overtake you, only to pull-in in front of you and drop their speed by 15 mph for some unknown reason so that you immediately have to overtake them again.
Ahah, the checkout manouvre - clearly someone thinks you're hot totty

The people you approach quite comfortably yet feel the necessity to start to speed up once you start going past them, but will slow down again when you have finally cleared them.
The Fitness Instructor - you've got to work for it.

Those who approach a motorway interchange that is a mile and a half long but feel it is necessary to slow everybody down to 40 mph so that they can pull off into their required lane within the first 100 yards.
The Performance Artist
The people who exit motorway road works in lane three having come out of a contraflow at 40 mph but take about 2 miles to realise they have two clear lanes inside them to pull over to and that they are now back onto the national limit.
The Oedipus Complex
 

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For some bizarre reason....
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6,297 Posts
Discussion Starter #11 (Edited)
….

Rubber-neckers!
These are the the sensible and excellent drivers. That may surprise you, but let me explain....
They see an incident ahead and think increased risk, so slow down to give themselves more manouvrebility. They use their eyes to assess the risks continuously in a dynamic fashion as they approach and pass. They also look at the police in order to obey any signal given - as required in the Highway Code and indeed required by law.
If there is no police presence, they observe details and make a pertinent call to the emergency services - "I think there's an accident on the M4, I don't know if there are any vehicles involved, I didn't look, I ain't no rubber necker" is usually met with some derision.
These drivers are learning from the mistakes of others in much the same way as we learn from other-peoples diving errors and adjusting their behaviour accordingly - eg was that caused by ice / fog/ rain / driving too close and am I driving too close / fast for these conditions?
Indeed the only people who fail to see the benefits of rubber necking are the boys in blue - what an opportunity missed!!! Try slinging in a few extra mannikins, especially child sized ones and don't worry if they're not lifelike no-one's going to look under the blankets, or add some extra smashed up cars, or put up signs like...
"4 Dead"
"driving too fast"
"Just like you"

….

And my bugbear . . . people who stop at traffic lights and rather than just pulling on the handbrake and relaxing instead decide it is better to sit for a couple of minutes having to press on the foot brake constantly and thereby burning their brake lights out every couple of months.
I'm not sure about this one, but it could be Pyromania, or simply practise for LeMans.


Hope that helps,

Cheers, Paul
 

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driving ....

just got back from a trip to London with the kids. So f****ng annoying that so many twonks drive in the middle lane even though the left lane is clear and there is no other traffic around.

came across so many of them on the M1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
 

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For some bizarre reason....
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Discussion Starter #13
just got back from a trip to London with the kids. So f****ng annoying that so many twonks drive in the middle lane even though the left lane is clear and there is no other traffic around.

came across so many of them on the M1. aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

Oh Dear,

you seem to have come accross drivers suffering from modern living and modern cars. Let me explain.....
They don't pull over because they never "see" the empty lane (similarly they never pull out to overtake). They don't see the empty lane because they are suffering from tunnel vision, a condition brought on by the immense stress of living in modern times and further excerbated by oxygen depletion within a modern air tight car.
You should run these drivers off the road, smash a window to let in air, pour a hot milky drink down their neck, and in severe cases either give them the kiss of life or 100% O2 - try it, they will thank you! Alternatively if it is a terminal case simply put them out of their misery.

Of course I could be wrong, it could be narcalepsy - in which case use your audio warning device, enhaced verbally, and flash your lights at them.

Hope that helps,

Cheers, Paul
 
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