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So heres the crack..yesterday went out for a dive at Muttonhoe, Planned on a couple of 30 metre dives and get a couple of crays for the pot..
there was a nor-easter blowing about 15 knots ( Which is good, because it blows the blue water line into shore ).

However it had been blowing a southerly for the last couple of days, which meant there was a lot of swell ( Not sharp and choppy, but nice rollers ).
Now one of the guys, got on the turps the night before and was deff looking the worse for wear. We got out to the dive site. (we operate 2 up and 2 down). I went for my dive with my bud Allan, Came up and this diver had spent the whole 40 mins throwing up and was looking like he had been put thru a wringer.
So i informed him he was not to dive, " Well all hell broke loose after that", there was no way he was not going to dive.
My dive cap, just started the boat up and drove us back to shore ( Left the shot line behind ). So we unloaded this guy who was up to the stage of wishing to remove our teeth via our scrotums...
After this I doubt we will be taking inexperienced divers out again ( Or if we do, I suppose we will have to give them a list of rules first, they will have to read and sign ).
So Fess up folks, what Horror diving bud stories have ya???
Steve
 

· wibble
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<font color='#000080'>A while ago, i fell out with a guy in my club.  Its a long story, but basically he questioned my sanity in public.  I subsequently went to the diving doc who said i was as sane as he was.  However, thanks to spectacular mis-handling by our ex-DO (who just happened to be the best buddy of this [email protected]), i was stopped from diving (despite being told by the diving doc that i was ok to dive).  This guy mouthed off, telleing anyone who would listen that i was mad, metal etc etc.  Consequently, no one wanted to dive with me.  

However, despite that, i have had the most dives out of my club last year, which shows how wrong he was.

I however wouldnt dive with him, as i do know that he is a couple of cans short of a six pack.

I had a guy nearly kill me on a dive leader dive when he massivley overinflated my wing doing a buoyant lift.  If i hadnt grabbed the shot line i would have been toast.
 

· old time
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<font color='#0000FF'>Steve,

Don't feel guility in any way, in fact I would have said YOU was in the wrong..... You shouldn't have let him   on the boat in the first place , if you think he was not capable of diving.

BUT you did the right thing , by not letting him dive..... if he threatened you,,, well, the boats always FULL , next time he asks to go diving


I've sent people home for turning up at work on call-outs , when i look at them and think they shouldn't be there,,, and that their liveihood, but my neck on the line if something goes ' tits up '.


Andy.

ps ,,, there was one time last year i wouldn't let a diver in the club dive , and the DO was on the boat , and went over his head, BUT i was the skipper of the club boat at the time , so i was BOSS, and the BUCK stops there .. it's not a case of being bossy or using power, it's just that i don't ever want to stand up in court and say why i think a diver had died
 

· A short fat well off crap cave diver. Likes wrecks
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Bob Cooper said I was the funniest thing he had seen in the water all year. But he took pitty on me and dived with me any way


There is a chap who I have done a couple of Trimix dives with who has been awarded the nick name Dangerous Diver?
? I would draw the line at diving with him.  He aparently couldent get a mix fill in time for our last dive which was planned for 65m so he said he was going to do it on air. Fortunatly the dive was canned. That saved a bit of embaresment because it was agreed that he wasent getting on to the boat with us if he was diving air.

The skipper of Tango aparently told a couple of chaps they couldent dive after they used sea sicknes patches for the first time and went all dopey and floppy before the dive.

Brave man


ATB

Mark Chase
 

· wibble
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<font color='#000080'>one guy planned to do a 30m wreck divable only on slack.  He unfortunatley didnt check the launch times properly and so a boat load of people were left sat for one and a half hours in quite a swell waiting for slack.  I think out of a boat of 14 divers about 6 couldnt dive cos they were too sick..... (incidentaly this is the guy im talking about up there ^ )
 

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I suppose I am at fault for letting the geezer on the boat..
But hey im sure at one time or another most of us have gone diving with a twinge of a hangover or so.
the wind in your face etc and your as right as rain. And ended up having a great day out..

And more importantly I am not his mother, The idijit should have more sence than to turn up in that condition
I know when im to crook to dive, and I have been out in the boat but just as the boat person
Steve
ps Porg after reading some of your posts over the last year, are ya sure your not a touch batty
 

· old time
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<font color='#0000FF'>turning the tables around,,,,,,,

I was once told that i couldn't dive.




Been driving the ship , when a diver surfaced after his dive was completed, and as my gear was on the dive deck, the relief skipper took over and said " why not go in for a scooby, plenty of slack left",so rushing to kit up, i stood up and got in the man rider ( basket on a crane to put divers in over the side ) . when some one laughed like fu$$ on the deck , trying hard to shout STOPPPPPPP "




I was fully kitted all right , but my cylinder was still down below in the hold ,,,,,,   i didn't even notice the lack of weight on my back.

I was the laughing stock at work for bloody weeks ,,,,,,,,,,

next person that calls me QUAWAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZIEEEEEEE frigging MOUDOOOOOOO will go swimming in their birthday suit.
 

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I think you should help the inexperienced, but the guy you had was a prat, don't let him put you off, just be up front about your expectations in advance.

I buddied a woman in my club a couple of times to try and develope her skills, both times I ended up lifting her from less than 20m because she just froze.

She then left the club after she asked me to take her on a dive to the Clyde I was doing. I politely declided, saying that I would help train her if she wanted to become competant, but I was not going to ruin a weekend away lifting her for a third time.

Everyone was happy except me, we all knew she was rubbish but no one else had the bottle to actualy tell her. She was an accident waiting to happen but wouldn't believe it.

James
 

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Help the inexperienced yes, help the suicidal no..
And as for forgetting gear andy...
A couple of weekends ago i was diving in the peninsula, i was in such a hurry to go get some crayfish
I left my catchbag and gloves behind...
Most embarrising, recome up after a few minutes,   ummmm   Exuse me guys could you pass me catch bag and gloves
Duhhhh
Still we all make them
Steve
 

· currently offshore, please leave a message
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[b said:
Quote[/b] (Mark Chase @ Jan. 31 2004,21:43)]Bob Cooper said I was the funniest thing he had seen in the water all year. But he took pitty on me and dived with me any way


There is a chap who I have done a couple of Trimix dives with who has been awarded the nick name Dangerous Diver?
? I would draw the line at diving with him.  He aparently couldent get a mix fill in time for our last dive which was planned for 65m so he said he was going to do it on air. Fortunatly the dive was canned. That saved a bit of embaresment because it was agreed that he wasent getting on to the boat with us if he was diving air.

The skipper of Tango aparently told a couple of chaps they couldent dive after they used sea sicknes patches for the first time and went all dopey and floppy before the dive.

Brave man


ATB

Mark Chase
can I just say the bloke who has been awarded this 'nick name' is NOT me I have never dived with Mark

ta
 

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<font color='#0000FF'>I have never told someone they couldn't dive, but when I started diving I was due to do my first sea dives on an Easter weekend in Trearrdur Bay, not unsurrprisingly we got blown out for the whole weekend.  On our way home the club decided to dive Vivian and I was told I couldn't dive, not really sure why.  Needless to say I was very Pissed off, but I got over it.  Actually by the time my club mates came out of the water to was snowing so in the end I didn't mind as they froze getting changed.

So if you think you need to tell someone they can't dive as long it is for a good reason and explain it to them even if they don't want to hear it, they will get over it.

Other side of the coin we had been waiting for slack on a wreck I had never done before, this is a wreck I always wanted to do and feeling a but queezy I decided for myself not to dive.  Unless you are at your best these decisions should be made my youself.

Fiona
 

· Street Cleansing Operative
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<font color='#000080'>
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Porg @ Jan. 31 2004,21:20)] Its a long story, but basically he questioned my sanity in public.  I subsequently went to the diving doc who said I was as sane as he was.
Somebody actually said you were too insane to dive !?! I thought I'd heard it all but that is just quality.

Dive clubs! I don't know why you all put up with them!

Anyway Porg, you'll do for me, Girl!  
 

· wibble
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<font color='#000080'>yes he said i was too mad to jump off a perfectly good boat into the freezing north sea!

About a year later he said he would not let me dive cos my twinset "was too heavy for me" and he was "doing it for my own good".  Luckily everyone saw him for what he really was - a prat making my life more difficult, and he got told to shut up at a committee meeting.  However, if he is marshal or cox, he can still say i cant dive with the twins.  Hence why im leaving my club!  It only takes one arsehole.......

so many dicks, so few richards..........
 

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<font color='#000080'>I've always looked at these clubs with their politics, back stabbing and sniping, ego trips and endless rule junkies and I've never understood why anyone puts up with it!

I suppose, before YD and it's like, you had to tolerate it if you wanted to dive - unless you'd managed to get a circle of diving friends together that you could rely on always to want to get wet. It might be cheaper but it doesn't save anything like enough money to justify putting up with the arseholes that seem to infest almost every club. Why does diving seem to attract them?

Virtually no need for clubs now. God bless Yorkshire Divers!

[PS - Helen, my first name actually is Richard - named after my uncle who my mum had a massive fall-out with shortly after, so they've always called me by my second name. At least it saved me being called Dickie Davies when I was at school. We're out there - you've just got to look hard for us!]
 

· T.L.S. More dives than posts
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I had a party of divers at Oban a couple of years ago and at the end of the second dive one of the guys (assistant Instructor) came over and told me his computer was in SOS mode.He claimed he hadn't had a fast ascent and had done nothing wrong.
His buddy said that she had come up "a bit" fast and he was already on the surface.
Having the same computer as him I explained that it looked like he may be mistaken and had come up fast and he "knew what he should do"regarding the next 24hrs and diving.I was promptly told to f**k off.
I let him sleep on it overnight and the next morning asked him how he felt,before he answered I explained that one day he may be marshaling divers and have a situation like this and my question to him was,When you tell somebody they can't dive because of a locked out computer what will your answer to them be when they say "why you did".where's you credibiity (as a marshal and IMO more importantly an Instructor) then.
He decided not to dive(unknown to him my backup plan was he wasn't going to be allowed to bring kit onboard boat and had no buddy willing to dive with him)
When he downloaded his computer it showed a fast ascent and appologised.So common sense sometimes does prevail but you must be strong enough to stand up to people who are not thinking straight.They may have travelled a long way and it may ruin a weekend diving but safety must come first.
 

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[b said:
Quote[/b] (Porg @ Feb. 01 2004,14:06)]yes he said i was too mad to jump off a perfectly good boat into the freezing north sea!

About a year later he said he would not let me dive cos my twinset "was too heavy for me" and he was "doing it for my own good".  Luckily everyone saw him for what he really was - a prat making my life more difficult, and he got told to shut up at a committee meeting.  However, if he is marshal or cox, he can still say i cant dive with the twins.  Hence why im leaving my club!  It only takes one arsehole.......

so many dicks, so few richards..........
Nothing wrong in diving very cold water, if you got the protection from the elements
what an idiot  


Twin set too heavy? err yea right what about these tekkie divers who use more than two cylinders, they are more heavy than a twin set, so he`s saying they cant dive with them? lol

I would have tied his nutz to a large rock and chucked it over board  
 
 

Tony

P.S I have been told twice I cant dive, as I couldnt equalize on the way down, I aint going to argue with that ;)
 

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Well well well...
                   Had a phonecall from the above mentioned diver, Last night and apologising for his shody behavior
But still insists he was in the clear to dive, after a 15 minute debate on such issues as accountability and who would tell his missus that he is dead, or in a hyperbarrick chamber
He relunctantly agreed he could see my point..And that in any future dives he would make sure he would not overindulge in future..
Now the question is whether I want to dive with him now ( Please notice the sulky top lip, and the nose rightout of joint )
still im sure a few pints and all will be sorted
Steve
 

· wibble
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<font color='#000080'>
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Col.Maniac @ Feb. 01 2004,17:58)]
[b said:
Quote[/b] (Porg @ Feb. 01 2004,14:06)]yes he said i was too mad to jump off a perfectly good boat into the freezing north sea!

About a year later he said he would not let me dive cos my twinset "was too heavy for me" and he was "doing it for my own good".  Luckily everyone saw him for what he really was - a prat making my life more difficult, and he got told to shut up at a committee meeting.  However, if he is marshal or cox, he can still say i cant dive with the twins.  Hence why im leaving my club!  It only takes one arsehole.......

so many dicks, so few richards..........
Nothing wrong in diving very cold water, if you got the protection from the elements
what an idiot  


Twin set too heavy? err yea right what about these tekkie divers who use more than two cylinders, they are more heavy than a twin set, so he`s saying they cant dive with them? lol

I would have tied his nutz to a large rock and chucked it over board  
 
 

Tony

P.S I have been told twice I cant dive, as I couldnt equalize on the way down, I aint going to argue with that ;)
I wrote this as an ode to him......Dive Bitch.

It has been said that I hate men.  This is not true; indeed I have one of my very own for my personal enjoyment.  Some men however, I would like to be like my coffee - ground up and in the freezer.  I am the girl divers answer to the scuba git, his arch nemesis, his downfall, because one-day girls - we will rule the waves.
The thing about scuba git, and his many, many children who pop up in every dive club in the country is that they can talk the talk, but need a wheelchair when it comes to the walk.  As long as you keep this in mind, we can all beat him at his own game by being able to dive better than he can.
Now the world of diving is slowly waking up to the fact that it is not only men who want to dive in this country.  Women's gear is slowly making its way onto the market, women's courses are sure to follow.  The only thing holding us back is the people who think we shouldn't be down there because we are delicate objects for them to leer at in the pool.  In the past I have been told that I can't dive with my gear, it is "too heavy for me"!  Bite me.  I have dived more than most scuba gits in my club put together this year, all with the nasty heavy gear, even to the unthinkable depth of 45m, and been breathing the stuff of the devil himself - nitrox.  My gear is not all black, bodged together with duct tape and cable ties.  

We have advantages over the male of the species in this sport.  We use far less air, we will ask directions to the site from people, and yes, we look good in a drysuit.  We can fit through smaller holes on wrecks (no beer guts), we get cheap gear because its size extra small.  Seals don't try to mug us underwater.

There are disadvantages of being a girl diver though.  Male divers tend to be trolls, and unless you want to be a trollette and join in, you have got to put up with the belching, farting and swearing.  You cant pee easily on a rib, you can guarantee it will be a busy site and you will have to either brave hanging your bum over the side, or hold it in.  We tend to be shorter, so cant reach up onto ribs on trailers so well.  And yes, we can be weaker too, but believe me, not as weak as some men can be.

So when you encounter a dive git, remember he is an endangered species, speak slowly and clearly he may not understand terms such as "wing", "stage cylinder" and "computer".  He will still be in a Fenzy, a Calor gas bottle and washing machine parts.  A home made wetsuit which he has used a crowbar to fit himself into "it fitted me 20 years ago, and it still fits now" and a home made wooden reel with bailer twine as string.

So play nice.
 
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