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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
[edit]I missed an apostrophe out of "we're" in the title! Misery and despair are no excuse for bad grammar!


I received a major shock when I got home after work last night. Ms Finless and I have never wanted children so we have never got married and continue to do things voluntarily. We have been together for about 28 years now so I thought we had a pretty stable relationship. However, that all changed when I got home last night! :(

After work I did a bit of running about moving an old rotivator out of my Mum's garage round to my cousin's place. As a result it must have been about 7 pm when I finally got home.

I yelled the usual 'honey, I'm home' as I entered through the back door and headed straight for the bedroom to change into something more comfortable (mainly track suit bottoms with a nice elastic waist band! :)).

It was just after that the bottom fell out of my world and I have been suffering with the dreaded 'butterfly in stomach' feeling, sickness and increased depression. When I went to the fridge she had restocked the "Stella layer" and left the cold ones at the back and put the warm ones at the front!!!!

I have thus far accused her of having an affair with a younger man, two younger men, a younger woman (I did myself no favours by asking for pictures) and the dustman!!

I can't think straight .......... I am desolate ................ she said there was no one else but ....... :cry:
 

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Spider Crabs can just f*ck off
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16,005 Posts
Think yourself lucky she restocks your beer for you, you ungrateful wretch.


:)
 

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His Holeyness
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2,198 Posts
When I went to the fridge she had restocked the "Stella layer" and left the cold ones at the back and put the warm ones at the front!!!!
Thin end of the wedge there mate!

Next it'll be notes left saying . . .

"I've gone out, your tea's in the dog"

even when you don't own a dog!


ColinM
 

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Creature of the night
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14,183 Posts
She doesn't know how lucky she is to be courting a domestic God like yourself ;) I mean you know how to clean a teamug for crying out loud, has she been at your medication :D

Safe diving,
Steve
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 · (Edited)
....and her tea pot never gets cold...well unless Finnie's wearing the tea cosy again.
Oi!!! That's enough of that! I have now bought a soft diving hat like the rest of you girls wear!
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I'll know for sure by Monday morning ............ if I wake up to wrinkly Y fronts ............

Tip for the lads - on a cold winters day you should microwave your undies for 10 seconds before donning ............. mmmmmmmmmmmm ............ warm Y fronts!
:)


[EDIT]PLEASE NOTE I SAID "WRINKLY" AND NOT CRISPY!!!
 

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A VS Cash Cow
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17,832 Posts
Oi!!! That's enough of that! I have now bought a soft diving hat like the rest of you girls wear!
well thats the answer then, shes accidently thrown away your tea cosy and was buying you beer to soften the blow when she told you.
 

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Atomic Blonde and Midjit Idjit
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16,469 Posts
I'll know for sure by Monday morning ............ if I wake up to wrinkly Y fronts ............

Tip for the lads - on a cold winters day you should microwave your undies for 10 seconds before donning ............. mmmmmmmmmmmm ............ warm Y fronts!
:)


[EDIT]PLEASE NOTE I SAID "WRINKLY" AND NOT CRISPY!!!
Am I the only one feeling slightly nauseous at the thought of Finless's kecks going in the micro?

Presumably you don't put your studded thong in the microwave though Finless?
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
well that's the answer then, shes accidently thrown away your tea cosy and was buying you beer to soften the blow when she told you.
Firstly, it's not a tea cosy it's a dead 'ard fisherman's hat. Secondly, being a treasured item, it is safely cosseted in a secure place ready for the time when the World may need its presence again!
:)
 

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Creature of the night
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14,183 Posts
Tip for the lads - on a cold winters day you should microwave your undies for 10 seconds before donning ............. mmmmmmmmmmmm ............ warm Y fronts!
:)
That may be Mrs Fin's problem, is she allergic to cheesey/fishy smells? ;)

Safe diving,
Steve
 

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PADI Internet Specialty Diver
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10,679 Posts
...
Presumably you don't put your studded thong in the microwave though Finless?
No never do that the sparks fly off and the metal overheats and spoils the leather.

Chris

(errr.. so I'm told)
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Am I the only one feeling slightly nauseous at the thought of Finless's kecks going in the micro?
Oh FFS, for the sake of your stomach I'll put them over a radiator .............. in a very dark room ............... where no one but me EVER goes ................ the chances of you meeting anyone but me who has been in that room are less than nil!!! Does that help?

Presumably you don't put your studded thong in the microwave though Finless?
No way ................ bugger that ............. have you any idea how hot the studs can get ..................... how was I supposed to know the studs are supposed to be worn on the outside ....................... it was ages before my eyes stopped watering!!! :(
 

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His Holeyness
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2,198 Posts
Oh FFS, for the sake of your stomach I'll put them over a radiator .............. in a very dark room ............... where no one but me EVER goes ................ the chances of you meeting anyone but me who has been in that room are less than nil!!! Does that help?
Yeah, but wasn't it only the other week the police broke down your front door after a 'concerned' neighbour had reported 'the smell of something gone off' from your house, and reported 'I haven't seen that old git who wears a tea cosy for a while'?

huh? huh? huh?

ColinM
 

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Finless: You couldn't invent him...
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23,946 Posts
Discussion Starter · #20 ·
Yeah, but wasn't it only the other week the police broke down your front door after a 'concerned' neighbour had reported 'the smell of something gone off' from your house, and reported 'I haven't seen that old git who wears a tea cosy for a while'?

huh? huh? huh?

ColinM
NO! I fully intent to decompose with style, gracefulness and a wholesome pleasant smell!
 
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