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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Found on another forum......

**CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy- painless removal – The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now
….. Hot wax.’’

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner,
and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring
painfully in my mind for the next few hours:

“Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.” So I
headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those
“hot wax” kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you Just rub the
strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart
and press them to your leg (or where ever else) and you pull the hair.

No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I’m not a genius, So I
pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other –
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in
so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. (“Cold
wax”…. yeah right)

I lay the strips across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works! OK, so it wasn’t the best feeling, but I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I
sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting

I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the one strip across the right side
of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *hoo-ha* and
stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (Yes it was a long
strip.) I inhale deeply and brace myself ………

I’m blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!......OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I’ve only managed to pull off half the
strip. cr*p!!!! I think I may pass out…must stay conscious…Do I hear
crashing drums?Huh??

Breathe, breathe …. OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy – a wax covered strip, the one that has caused
me so
Much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the
glory that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip!
There’s no hair on it.

Where is the hair?Huh? WHERE IS THE WAX?Huh?Huh???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see
hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
cr*p!!! I run my finger over the most sensitive part of my body, which
is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG
mistake… remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down.

DANG!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a cell door.
*My HOO Ha is sealed shut!!!!!!!!
Butt??? Sealed shut!!!!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
thinking to myself “Please don’t let me get the urge to poop, my head
will pop off.”

What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water melts wax!!!
I’ll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently
wipe it off, Right?Huh? WRONG!!!!!

I get into the tub – the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment – I sit. Now
the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub –
in scalding hot water.
Which by the way doesn’t melt cold wax? So, now I’m stuck to the
bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the

God Bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a
phone put in the bathroom!!!! I call my friend, thinking surely she
has waxed before and might have some secret of how to get me undone.

It’s a very good conversation starter….
”So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!”
There is a slight pause.
She doesn’t know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to
hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located, “Are we talking cheeks or hoo-ha?”

She’s laughing out loud by now…I can hear her. I give her the rundown
and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
I should be the joke of someone else’s night. While we go through
various solutions, I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-
shaving the sticky wax off!!!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and
I’m pretty sure I’m going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for
this event.
My friend is still taking with me when I finally see my saving
grace….the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I
really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and……… OH MY

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
It’s so painful, but I really don’t care. IT WORKS!! It works!!
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend as she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair….THE HAIR IS STILL THERE….. ALL OF IT!!!!!!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I’m numb by now, nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I’m going to try hair color….. Now that’s funny. NOT!!!
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