My 2 cents worth:
Wing IF it's properly set up and you're sufficiently into your diving to like faffing with your kit to get things just so
Stab jacket if you don't like kit-faffing when you're out of the water
I dive a wing but wouldn't recommend one for my other half as she wouldn't get into the faff
Now ain't that the truth Steve, my wife also uses a jacket and I would not encourage her to get a wing. Now I have got mine exactly how I like it the last thing I want is to spend 2 months getting her comfortable with one.
If it involves any more than throwing it on a cylinder, pulling a couple of straps she ain't interested
Interesting point though, I know a lot of people who have switched from jacket to a wing for the majority of their diving. But I do not know anyone who has switched from a wing to a jacket. (I do not count people who switch to a jacket for specific occasional dives or teaching).
my bcd set up at the moment is a single 15lt a 3lt pony and 8kg of weight in the bcd but it is a strain on my shoulders.
are there any wings that have integral weights and would awing take any pressure off my shoulders?
Don't have one myself due to cash restrictions, though wish I'd bought one straight off. You get more gas in twins and it saves faffing about changing tins between dives, specially if your on a RIB. I think women might prefer a wing as well because I suspect it would put less strain on the funbags area
Plus, I always found that the pockets on a stab (eg buddy commando) were impossible to access, so for me were worse than useless. Now I have a Bowstone leg pocket which I've modified to fit on my harness belt and can position it where I can reach it, and it's half the price of the "proper" OMS "No-sag" pocket, later I'm going to add a "mask pocket" which will be a modified small zip up washbag which is going spare £0.00 compared to £20+ for a proprietary one - long live DIY!
Just read your question about weights. I know a man who makes weights that get screwed in with the butterfly screws on the inside if anyones interested. They can't be dumped in a hurry, but you're not carrying too much weight anyway.
Re weights and wings, I believe Diverite ones can sometimes have integral weights pockets, but you can get a fair bit of lead on the belt part of a harness too, and if you have a SS BP that's quite weighty too (about 2.5 kg I believe??)
A wing! A wing! A wing!.... Ooooooh Lordy yes, get yerself a wing mate...
Faffing, well the faffing exists through a few experimental dives but once the harness is set and the tanks are banded to your satisfaction then the faffing is over and from then on in, its great...
Some have tried wings and moved back to jackets but I'll bet my bottom euro that those who did just hadn't the time or the patience to faff on to get it right cos if they had done they'd still be diving a wing... personally I'll never go back, I'll even take my bp/harness and a single wing on holiday.
Currently I have a s.s. backplate with twin 12's and a bloody great lead v-weight bolted to it and it's so much easier than my 15ltr plus pony and hip crushing, cyatic nerve nipping weightbelt... humping it through Hodge tunnel was a doddle... much easier than a previous visit to Hodge last year.